Question...Contemplating taking off my ring. Have you taken that step? One the one hand, my ring symbolizes my commitment. on the other, that old marriage is over... Thoughts friends??
I quickly read through your thread and didn't notice if you stated what your decision on this was. Here's my take:
Don't do what *I* think you should do, don't do what anyone else on this forum thinks you should do, and don't do what your H thinks you should do. I had the same questions you likely have, "Will my spouse feel pressure when they see the ring on my finger? Will it make them mad or frustrated...make them think I don't believe them or aren't "getting it"? If I take it off, what does that say about me? Will people notice and ask questions?"
Your ring is a symbol of WHO YOU ARE. So if you are committed until the divorce is final and want to wear it, then wear it. If you're done with the marriage and are fine taking it off, then take it off. Just don't feel pressure from anyone else to do anything. Stay true to yourself - that ring is a representation of who YOU are.
FWIW, my XW took hers off about a year before our D. I wore mine until a few minutes after the judge declared the divorce final. My finger still feels naked.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Thank you PM, Bright and AS, I will keep my ring on until it is signed. I want to show to my boys that I did not give up. that I did/do value commitment. It is what I will expect of them. ironically, h still has his on, although not sure why.
A choice to make. up to now, h has seen kids at his leisure.At most d spends 1 night at h's apt. from 5pm sat(dinner out, movie, bed) until 9am sun (breakfast out). Perhaps it is time for d to stay fri 6pm until sun noon. D will not like it and quite honestly neither will I. But if this is to be the new normal...h has pretty much done what he wants when he wants and I do all the kid stuff. perhaps time to do something different
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
LETTER from my A to h's A back to my A...how much does that cost?? Such a stupid waste of money. Do they not care how much money they waste? I am not being very "move on...myself"right now. just feel like the whole thing is stupid and ridiculous. What h is willing to spend. I don't get to say anything. I just have to go along and let him have his stupid way. Yes, I feel outrage by all this. When will I decide to not give a flip anymore?
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Probably after the D is over. It's hard to stay detached and stick to your DB'ing when you're going through the emotional turmoil of a D. Just hang in there, vent here when you need to, you can do it!
jealousy and envy. 2 awful emotions. How to get rid of? the first step it is said is recognizing. yes, I recognize. I have always since being a kid have been one to be envious of what others had and I didn't. sounds awful to admit. I know this about me. I don't like it. How to squash it? I do focus on my positives, but often times feel that envy creeping in. Nowadays, I am jealous of my friends intact families. I get the life is not fair part. Is it just me being whining? Really I want peace. I don't want these ugly feelings.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
jealousy and envy. 2 awful emotions. How to get rid of?
Count your blessings at least once a day.
Oh, and to answer your thread title, it's - hands down, not even close - better to love.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
