You know what *I'm* tired of? Divorce being too easy and acceptable of an option. I have NEVER witnessed a wedding where the vows exchanged went something like this:
"I, (person), take you, (person), to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife, to have and told from this day forward. I promise to be true and faithful to you, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death parts us...
...unless you WEAR ME OUT with your incessant nagging, or until you gain 40 lbs, or have have an affair with your secretary, or have an affair with your job, or until you start to remind me too much of your mother instead of the woman I married, or until we don't have sex as often as I would like, or until you become indifferent towards the kids, or until you lose your job and become depressed for too long, or until I don't "feel" it anymore, or until I find someTHING or someONE more exciting."
Has anyone been to that ^^ ceremony? Because THAT'S how we treat marriage, so maybe that's what we should actually say. At least we would be honest with ourselves.
*I'm* tired of the accepted culture that surrounds marriage in this country in general. I'm tired of the fact that divorce is COMMON. I'm tired of hearing that "the kids will be okay" or even "better off" when what every child truly deserves is a loving mother and father joined forever in unconditional love and mutual subjection that raises them in security and peace.
My wife left me. That is a fact. But I left her too - prior to that - just not in a legal sense. And I accept that. But damned if I don't honor my word, my promise to her, while I have my wits about me. C.S. Lewis once wrote,
“The promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to being true even if I cease to be in love. A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way. He might as well promise to never have a headache or always to feel hungry.”
Marriage is - or used to be - a covenant, not a contract. Marriage USED to mean the union of ONE man and ONE woman - now it means the union of ONE man and ONE woman...at a time. I know everyone doesn't think the same way as I do, but it's got mean something more than it does to us now. I know there are people - even people here - who are have gone through unimaginable pain and suffering, horrible and abusive relationships that were just cause for divorce, and I don't want to pick at the scabs these people have in incredibly sensitive areas of their life, but there is no way these relationships account for 50% of marriages.
No way.
This lackadaisical mentality towards the idea of marriage is having a huge effect on us and future generations. We have to get to a point where we live and teach that successful marriage has much less to do with marrying the person we love and much more to do with loving the person we marry. Marrying the person we love is a great start, but that's all it is: a start. As I read recently, when we marry we carry "the responsibility to care for and raise children, cherish our spouses, and build enduring, stable homes which can nurture a true family."
Marriage is a very serious matter and commitment, NOT a lackadaisical one. I know I wish I had taken marriage more seriously and treated it with the respect it deserved. Unfortunately my children have to carry the burden of my poor decisions and the lackadaisical attitude I had toward the covenant I made with my wife.
My apologies for the off-topic rant in someone else's thread. It isn't directed at anyone, I just used the last line of 25yearsmlc's post as a springboard to jot down some thoughts that have been bouncing around in my brain. She, as always, has good advice to be taken and considered very seriously.
-PM
Wow, Awesome!
I stand on the ground that I failed my marriage. Yes it takes two, but my W tried and tried and tried until she couldn’t anymore. I left the marriage a long time ago. I did not take my vows seriously at all.
I love your post.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
