- He thinks his PREGNANT WIFE WHO IS ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH is being controlling and unreasonable to ask that he cut contact with the other woman.
You're applying pressure. You can't push him to cut contact until he expresses interest in reconciling, otherwise it's a boundary you can't enforce except through threatening D.
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All his allegations of the problems we had make no sense.
They absolutely make sense. I'm a father of three and I can sympathize with many of the items on his list. Fathers rarely get the sympathy we deserve. Everyone focuses on the mother and everything she is going through and treat the father like we are just baggage along for the ride. Well we are right there losing sleep and dealing with massive life changes too, AND we have to constantly validate our new-mom wives while getting little to no validation from them in return.
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I have such a hard time validating his point of view when it is so selfish!! When I explain my side, he says I just don't listen.
I think he's right. Even here you are expressing disdain for his complaints, in fact you just called him "selfish" for it. He's expressing very real issues, but your attitude is he needs to suck it up because you're going through a lot worse. I'm not trying to downplay what you are going through because it is a LOT to go through for sure. I'm just trying to help you see that your H's feelings are very REAL to him and they are very VALID. Instead of calling him selfish you should try and understand his point of view and VALIDATE his feelings/ emotions. That is the only chance your M has, because if you keep dismissing his feelings like this then he will feel he has no choice but to find someone who will "understand" his feelings.
Remember, as the LBS you have to do ALL the work for now if you want to save your M. Is it fair? No, but none of us here have a choice in the matter, it's either we do all the work or we just walk away and call it quits on the M.
