The Big Chill

[LoisB]

Oh, and I don't know how brave I was. I handled it pretty horribly actually. I got a lot of things off my chest. Not necessarily a good thing.

I saw some emotion which I took as a good sign. It was like he peaked outta the hole and I lunged.

Grabbed that Tazmanian devil and wouldn't let go.

Must regain my composure and start over, again.

I'm just tired of being strong. I know we all are. He spent the money I was going to use for a car.

Heather

[Pudmuddle]

Well consider yourself brave for confronting it, even if you didn't handle it well. My guess is you probably said some things that you needed to, heck we can't hold it in all the time!

I with you on tired of being strong. It would be nice if someone would hold US and tell US it is going to be ok.

But we are stronger than we think. We have the power of knowing we are doing the right thing.

[uRworthy]

It is going to be ok, Pud. You are stronger than you think.

Did you ever think you would ever be able to get through what you have already? Yet, you did.

You have chosen something very difficult, believing in your love in the face of such hard stuff. You have chosen to honor your marriage, your spouse.

And while it is so hard at times, so tiring, there is honor in knowing that you fought the good fight.

You are amazing, Pud. Believe it.

[Feenix]

Grabbed that Tazmanian devil and wouldn't let go.
Must regain my composure and start over, again.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Heather, I NEEDED that laugh so much today!!!! And, HOLY CRAP....I did the same thing when I found H's NEW super-secret-second phone with OW's contact info in it today.

I took my Taz and the beat the crap out of it, figuratively. So, I guess, I get to go to time-out and start over, again, too.

PUD: I am super proud of you. This stuff is so hard..and you are handling it with grace.

[Preggonomore]

Wow, pud, such turn of events!! Seems like we are on the same boat. You are handling things really well.

[Pudmuddle]

uR, you always seem to know just what to say.

Ang, thanks, I am really trying to be more calm and graceful. It's hard but something I need to change in myself. I'm glad it's shining through! I know you can be this way too, I see it in you.

preggo, thanks for checking out my thread. We ARE in the same leaky boat.

So today, I woke up with anxious feelings. Probably just from not knowing what is going to happen from one day to the next. I know I can't worry about that, but it's hard when my body does it for me!

I had a good cry in the shower. This time though, I didn't cry for me. I cried for H. It was probably more of a prayer. I cried that he was hurting so much. I cried that I just want him to feel better and to be truly happy. I cried that he was confused and upset and really has no one to share that with. I cried that he felt he had to take drastic actions and ignore his family. I felt for him.<sniff>

Ok, that's the weepy stuff. I also had a song stuck in my head.

Don't ya know that I'm still standing, better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor
Feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

Appropriate song to have stuck in your head! I looked up the Elton John lyrics to this and they are spot on, whoa.

I feel like I want to tell him that I am here for him, whatever he wants to talk about and whenever he wants to share. I will even duct tape my mouth so I can't talk over him, lol. But I know I can't do that right now. I have to let him be and sort things out in his head. Especially after what has happened the past few days.

Sigh.

[Pudmuddle]

Oh, and a couple more curious things.

I was checking out the bill situation just to keep an eye on if there is any overspending or disappearing of money. So far, no evidence of that.

I also came across the cell phone bill and of course, checked it out. He has not been texting AW at all for the past two months! So unless there is another secret phone (like Ang's h!) I think there is some trouble brewing in paradise. Hmmmmm.

I'm wondering if this is why he reached out to have 'the talk' the other day. Like he was testing me to see if I was 'still there'.

He hadn't gone out for a two week period and seemed down towards the end. Then he just went out Sun night and is going out Friday. It's funny how he would never dress up for Halloween or be interested in Halloween type events, even though it was my fave and I longed for that kind of fun with him. Now he is doing just that. MLC switcheroo!

Just thoughts rambling around in this big open space called my brain. I know I can't know these things, but it does make the mind wonder, and wander.

[Not Quitting]

It's funny how he would never dress up for Halloween or be interested in Halloween type events, even though it was my fave and I longed for that kind of fun with him. Now he is doing just that. MLC switcheroo!

LOL Pud, this is the sort of thing that got your H on the MLC triplets list with TTD's h and mine. My H mentioned that he has to go to a Halloween party (has to go???) and needed a costume but that he was offered a shift at work that night and someone wouldn't be happy about that.

[makingmagic]

Hi Pud... I have been following along.

When u say "he reached out to have 'the talk' the other day. Like he was testing me to see if I was 'still there'."... My h kinda did that the other day too... based on his comment "not even sure if you want that" (when mentioning how he had been thinking about getting back together).

Why do they wanna test? What are we supposed to do with that information? Are we supposed to let them know we want it or let them enquire more? let them investigate it further. Up until a few months ago, I was very transparent of what I wanted. Since gaining my self-respect recently and maintaining my emotions infront of him, he now felt comfortable to say this to me. And in return, I didn't give him a response of "what I wanted".

Just wondering what you are going to do or say about his test?

Thanks, Magic!

[Pudmuddle]

Hi NQ, LOL@ our MLC triplets! More like trips...or drips...

Hi Magic,

At this point, where I am at in my sitch, I'm not going to do anything. I gave him a lot to think about and he needs to work through that. I can't do anything to fix him and his emotions and chaos. Just take it as a positive sign, that he is reaching out to you. We must be doing something right, if we see a glimmer of hope like that. Even if it is only a glimmer.