job, thanks for noticing my calm attitude. I would've been much worse in past conversations. Thanks to all of you and db, I was much more aware of what I was doing.
heather, I love the Taz analogy too, one of the better descriptions I've heard! Your standing naked story made me laugh too, but so true. I did feel like his "Stuff" was starting to weigh me down, to the point that I needed to do what I did. It WILL be interesting to see where this turns. I have no expectations.
jfun51, thanks for stopping by my thread. We all need hilarity in these dire situations. It gives a calmness to envision these funny things when you are in the heat of the moment too, it helps your PMA!
Underdog, I am not much of a phone talker anyway, but I do still have your number, yes! Next time I will, definitely. I'll have to let you know about the walk, but thank you. I hope this does create some kind of positive. I appreciate your insight into how things could work, it gives me some hope.
Mach1, wow. This is incredibly helpful advice for any future sitch. Not that these things will happen for sure, but it is very nice to know what can lay ahead, how he will react, etc. There have been times in past conversations where I did leave feeling superior, and it actually made me feel crummy. This time I did not leave feeling superior, I felt like I had stood up for myself calmly and was able to listen to him as well. I did catch myself a couple of times after he said something, then I would say YEs you do!. Then I corrected myself and said 'Sorry for interrupting, that is something I'm working on, please continue with what you were saying'. I feel nervous for what may be coming up, but you have helped me ease that. Thank YOU for your wise and wonderful words.
cat, I like the brick analogy. Good visual to have when in the moment. (Is this the 2nd time you've said Mach1 is right?? )
ambiv, thank you. It WILL be tough to go dim for a bit. I'll let you know what happens.
wr - thank you for helping understand that I did the right thing for me. Peace to you too.
I will most surely be updating you all soon, into Pud's muddle. Thank you so much all, again for your invaluable support.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Mach, you called it. You said the recharge was fairly quick.
I was driving home about 30 seconds away from house and I get two phone calls from H, which I didn't answer because I was almost there. Then I get in, and he goes "Oh, there you are. I was going to call and let you know I picked up S from his tech theater class, so you didn't have to." Me...Ok.
He looked REALLY tired but seemed to be chipper. Boo. So I grabbed my dog and said "Dog, it's a nice day out, so you know what you and I are doing! It's a date!"
I then went into kitchen and grabbed some almond milk and then walked upstairs to remove myself from mr crazy chipperville.
My S asked H if he could go to karate with H tonight. So I expected them to just leave. But...H makes sure to poke his head up the stairwell and says "<my name>. S and I are leaving for karate so see you later". Me...Y'ok.
I can't guess why he is feeling like he needs to let me know things that he has done, almost like he is making sure I know he is behaving. Cuz I kicked him in the teeth last night? Or cuz he got recharge elsewhere? WHO knows.
Wtf? LOLOLOLOL. Good people go insane. Sigh. Another adventure in lala land.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Oh no, now Cat has gone and done it, there will be no living with Mach now. LOL!
Pud, they are the best.
I wanted to say that I so know how you felt when you had that conversation. It was stuff you have been holding in for a long time. And you handled it with dignity and strength. Good on you.
But I also want to say that now you've said it all. He heard you. There is no reason to say all that again, right?
So, he is telling you where he is going because that's how this dance goes. You pulled away, so he moves a bit closer.
The thing is, and it is not easy for me to say this, Mach is right. Sigh....LOL!
Soon, you will see some indignation on his part. A kind of who does she think she is telling me all that mixed in with a little, holy shite, did she just tell me that?
It is best for you to let him sit with it all. He knows how you feel and now, he has to figure himself out.
I wanted to say, when I looked back at this time in my life, that I acted with honor and that I remained true to myself. I think you did that last night.
And now you get to continue on your journey.
You will get through this. You will come out the other side stronger. You will be able to say that you loved with all you had. So much that you let him go. That matters, sweetie.
I love the brick analogy too. It's really helpful. That's a great image and the heaviness of the bricks really fits. It's their burden, but it's so easy to start pulling the load for them.
I found out today that my H withdrew money from his deferred comp, all of it, and took OW on a vacation this summer. Today I pulled the load. Felt it. Tomorrow, I am letting the wagon go. His to carry. He told me today he felt sick about what he had done. Once he gets his recharge with OW tonight, though, it will probably be forgotten.
Pud, I think it's funny how he's telling you everything he is doing. You seem to be handling the situation fabulously. Next time he tells you what he's doing, write it down, like you're keeping notes!! Then, you can go back and read it to him later.
8:42--Mr. Chipperville goes to the bathroom.
Crazy Mr. Chipperville. That's a hoot!!
Kinda like Goodbye Mr. Chips, Only it's "Crazy Mr. Chipperville" I think we have a kid's book here.
Much Love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Thank you uR. I don't feel the need to say this again, you're right. And even pre-crazy brain, I had to let him soak on things anyway, because that is what he did, before he spoke again.
I'm learning the dance! I did want to take a dance lesson, but not this kind of dance!
You bring tears of pure joy to my eyes uR.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Ugh, Heather that is an awful thing to find out. That's why I keep having a feeling that H is squirreling money away. No evidence to be found yet. Remains to be seen.
But you are brave to handle it the way you did.
LOL, I SHOULD start recording everything! The Adventures of Crazy Mr. Chipperville. I think we have book for sure!
Thanks for support, love and LAUGHS. I love to laugh.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Please be sure to keep a close eye on the finances. MLCers often are extremely careless with money. I do not want what happened to me to happen to anybody else.
I hope this does create some kind of positive. I appreciate your insight into how things could work, it gives me some hope.
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