I'm also glad that you've managed to contact your sons before the party. That will also give them time to tell your W if they want to!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Hey, can I join both of you? I’ve been to Australia before (Sydney, Perth, Melbourne) and I would love to visit again! I’ve been to Europe too, but not to Copenhagen. Would love to see it too.
HWA, I’m glad you are feeling better.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
F, spare bedroom in MY house always available. About the same cost for me to fly to Copenhagan, but I am used to and comfortable with those costs. My next year will be better, no options with that. I talk to my other son tonight, in about 12 hours. Selfish? One of the things the W stated was, I spent too much money on things for me or things that only I believed were important for the family. Didn't listen to her opinion. Basically I put myself first, all the time. And yes, I do agree with that one. I did always think about me first and foremost. Don't get me wrong, I certainly wouldn't have let my W and sons go without, over and above me. That is why taking over the house and keeping the new car, was so hard and made me feel so guilty, because in my mind I was still being selfish. I have tried so hard over the last year to stop being selfish, to stop spending money on myself, to put others before me. A lot of so called selfish acts, were in my mind for the good of the family: air conditioning the house, putting on solar system and upgrading the room on the cruise for the W and I last year. It just doesn't/or didn't come across as a good thing when I did these things. Maybe there is more to my selfishness that the W feels about me. I don't know and probably won't know. Sometimes you feel like simply doing a list of the good things and handing it out to everyone who complains. Maybe a lot of my faults have hit home, because I have had very few, if not none, positives given to me. Not necessarily the W, but just simply going through life, with very little positives told to you. Most things have always been negatives or nothing. I remember telling my good friend ages ago (the one who now defriended me) that since BD, I have heard criticism of my behaviour from everyone in the family. I have accepted a lot of it and more importantly owned it. But I asked my friend a simple question: "Has anyone spoken to the W and criticised her, or told her what she is/has done wrong?" The answer back was no. So I can presume, that after 1 year of separation, no one in her family or friends has actually sat her down and said "what the heck are you doing?".
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
HWA I feel that you are beating yourself up unnecessarily. I doubt that all you've ever done in your life is selfish and negative things. Don't forget the WAS sees only negativity in you and others. She's probably also tried to turn her family against you. I know this has happened with my MIL and she'll believe everything her darling son says about me. Putting others before yourself is certainly not selfish. If you have any money left over, then it's only natural that you'll spend it on yourself after the other members of your family have got all that they need After all that's what the male species do only kidding Your W is happy with her share of the property, so there's really no need to feel guilty. She wanted to split the assets and she's the one who left you. Remember that! You should be feeling angry about this, not guilty. If you want, write down all the things that you bought and/or paid for in the last few months of your W living with you. Make 2 columns - in one write all the things that you bought for the family, in the second column write all the things you bought for yourself. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised I think if you were that selfish, then you'll be the WAS! Just think how selfish these WASs are and then think, I don't come anywhere near as close as that! I hope this post makes sense, this is just my opinion
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Brightfuture, of course you are welcome to come to Australia. Since I am in Queensland, it seems that that was one of the places you haven't been to yet. Gold coast, Sunshine coast, Brisbane.....sun, sun and more sun. Beaches as well.
TTD180, thanks for those nice comments. Yes telling the sons now will allow them time to discuss if they wish with the W. The selfish and guilt trips I have been doing on myself the last year are all over. No more, it is as simple as that. No longer am I going to feel guilty about what I do/did. A couple of days ago I would have felt guilty telling my sons about the transfer, Why? I don't know. Now I felt comfortable about them knowing I am coming home. While I accept some of the things I did (selfish being one of them), I do agree with you, that if I was really that selfish, then I would have been the WAS, not the LBS. I would have also started to plan my owning of everything, or at least demanding a bigger share of the assets. I simply think that whenever I did something for me, it just stood out so much more. Doesn't matter now anyway, just that I am able to look at these things in a different way.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Good for you I think your feminine side is coming out, it's normally females who feel guilty about buying things for themselves, lol. In the past, My aunt has told me that I've got to spend my birthday money on me and not on my son as I always used to do Now I can't afford to do either! My son desperately needs bigger clothes and I need smaller clothes now, lol. I can manage with belts, so any spare money goes on buying my son some new clothes, even if it's just one item per week.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Yes TTD180, the feminine side is coming out, along with all the tears and emotions out in public, well at least with people I know.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
F, if you ever want to get onto facebook and have more personal discussions or simply get to know each other better, you are always most welcome to pm.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
HWA, I'm afraid you can't PM on here, I've tried it or did you mean FB? We've got round this by creating a goodreads account with our nicknames and then we talk privately through that When you've established a way of PMing and finding out real names, etc. then you will be able to add each other to FB
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
After all that's what the male species do