Thanks Ambivalent! I have been looking for some new reading material about rebuilding a marriage. I do have the "7 Principles of Marriage" book, although I haven't finished reading it yet.
I'm also re-reading "Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson, which is to do with attachment theory and emotionally focused therapy. Reading "Hold Me Tight" really helped me take a close look at the destructive patterns we get into in our everyday life as well as in arguments.
My H and I have pinpointed that we generally do the "Demand/Withdrawl" or "Pursue/Distance", where I pursue and he distances. Although, lately, it has been both of us withdrawing, as I have started to withdraw. Something we both really want to work on is communication. When we had our talk that was a big issue for both of us. Basically we need to start becoming more emotionally available to each other, and opening up more.
Something we have been striving for is to regain that "connection", and how can we do that if we have not been emotionally available to each other? So long as we can keep talking to each other as friends, I think we will be on the right track. On my end I am going to try to be more approachable to him so he feels comfortable talking to me, and I will try to not be as demanding.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Something we have been striving for is to regain that "connection", and how can we do that if we have not been emotionally available to each other? So long as we can keep talking to each other as friends, I think we will be on the right track. On my end I am going to try to be more approachable to him so he feels comfortable talking to me, and I will try to not be as demanding. _________________________
This is where I am presently...trying to stay approachable, see everything with humor glasses on, and trying to connect without threat.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambivalent, I feel we are similar in many ways Do you have any other reading material you would recommend? I know you are reading the Men are From Mars.. I am going to start that one as well, it seems like it would be so helpful with just everyday communication.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Feeling a little bit excited and nervous. H is coming over today to spend the day with me and the kids and spending the night. This is the first night he is staying over since we separated in early September. He emailed me this morning to ask what we are going to do and if we wanted to make a nice dinner after the kids were in bed.
He is really starting to come out of his shell lately, reaching out to me and showing more affection. Even him mentioning dating and that sort of thing is totally new for us lately. I feel these are all positive things. For now I am going to let him do the 'pursuing', per advice of my DB coach. I must say, I like being pursued!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I find that being spontaneous can be amazing. One night a while back we were driving home from eating out and W made a comment about a hotel room, I pulled into the next hotel and got a room. We spend 3-4 hours there, and then went home. It was worth every penny I didn’t have and not talking about the sex.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
NQ - thanks! We did end up having a great "date night" at home, we had a really good time and it was so nice to just relax and spend time together.
Ambivalent - thanks, I will have to look into that book! I have been doing a lot of reading lately. I must admit.. I enjoy having some extra time around the house lately to do some reading!
JP- thanks. I agree with you about the spontaneity! My H is a little more "by the book" although he does have some spontaneous moments here and there! Perhaps a little more spontaneity would bring some more excitement to our relationship..
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Do you have any other reading material you would recommend? I know you are reading the Men are From Mars.. I am going to start that one as well, it seems like it would be so helpful with just everyday communication.