Me 1 year on

[hotwheelsaust]

F, spare bedroom in MY house always available.
About the same cost for me to fly to Copenhagan, but I am used to and comfortable with those costs.
My next year will be better, no options with that.
I talk to my other son tonight, in about 12 hours.
Selfish? One of the things the W stated was, I spent too much money on things for me or things that only I believed were important for the family. Didn't listen to her opinion. Basically I put myself first, all the time. And yes, I do agree with that one. I did always think about me first and foremost. Don't get me wrong, I certainly wouldn't have let my W and sons go without, over and above me.
That is why taking over the house and keeping the new car, was so hard and made me feel so guilty, because in my mind I was still being selfish. I have tried so hard over the last year to stop being selfish, to stop spending money on myself, to put others before me.
A lot of so called selfish acts, were in my mind for the good of the family: air conditioning the house, putting on solar system and upgrading the room on the cruise for the W and I last year. It just doesn't/or didn't come across as a good thing when I did these things.
Maybe there is more to my selfishness that the W feels about me. I don't know and probably won't know. Sometimes you feel like simply doing a list of the good things and handing it out to everyone who complains. Maybe a lot of my faults have hit home, because I have had very few, if not none, positives given to me. Not necessarily the W, but just simply going through life, with very little positives told to you. Most things have always been negatives or nothing. I remember telling my good friend ages ago (the one who now defriended me) that since BD, I have heard criticism of my behaviour from everyone in the family. I have accepted a lot of it and more importantly owned it. But I asked my friend a simple question: "Has anyone spoken to the W and criticised her, or told her what she is/has done wrong?" The answer back was no. So I can presume, that after 1 year of separation, no one in her family or friends has actually sat her down and said "what the heck are you doing?".