your h sounds alot like mine - my sympathies man. idk what he's up to- how stubborn & locked in they are to their decisions - which , of course, are ALLLLWAAAAYYYYSS way comsidered and correct.
me, i despair of this h ever ever acknowledging- apologizing - or even admitting to himself what he's done- or is "doing" on any level at all. no lie. he is blind and nuts to. nice!!!
in any "argument" - when he wonders why it's not okay to have friends - (same deal as you- what? fing your "friend" is exactly like goin fishin with your oither buddy - what planet does this guy either come from - or thik i do??? it's sooooooo three yer old-ish i m baffled. " it would all seem perfectly logical to him- and why not??? i swear- it's soooo nutty on just a general - real life basis- i never know what the heck to say ()or that could be said) that would make him say ah - ha! as in really understnading what the rest of the world doesn't even take explanation to know automatically. probably quite alot like arguing philosophy with your dog- glad no one is ever video tayhping us-
maybe they are really just androids or some kind of being tht is lacking the "heart" and "gut" of a real man- pinnochio..sorta comes to mind. . . and has that nose of deceit too....
idk- i hope your faith & love and hope are allll justified in the end. i'm feeling particularly floatie and detached - it's not nice. oh well huh:? i guess it's better than pain and PAIN...
like you- i'm not going anywhere any time soon- know that in my gut. i guess i myself have to reach "bottom" as in - do not care one stinking bit and know it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
was mulling over - on way back from airport- someting h said two years ago when i became aware of all this - that whatever we had was gone forever. boy - is he sure right there. idk what it could be now or is ever likely to. brain can't "go there" - honestly- just stops on today.
is THAT detachment? feelin empty here - thinking about you- wondering about women like us- what in the world it takes to shake us & our "rock" status. both in us and in them.
oh well- it's too heavy for me- i just don't have any mental energy to consider it. i'm hoping you're okay- i'm thinking about ya -
dawn too - it's sure a wackier world than i'd ever imagined. i'm sure soooo glad i didn't know all this or feel all this any time before now. i honestly am glad i didn't have to feel this skepticism and discouragement about people when i was young - who knows what kind of a person that makes one....
shudder - shudder-
maybe i'll go clip the ole rose of sharon some more- and try to begin digging out my work room a bit. and figure out where in the world i can hang work cloths - my closet space all of a sudden seems too darn jammed up- needing decent "official" work wardrobe -
thank goodness it's a relatively casual kind of thing- what i wear to school and also the fact that the classes and school changes from day to day- concievably i could wear the same slax every single day and change my shirt, sweater & blazer and who would ever notice????
yay for being "invisible" - kind of. i guess the good news about being a non-entity with nobody around juding ya. woo hoo huh/ hope you're okay
