I Believe it Cause I Feel It

[Whiterose]

Wonka, I'm trying to understand that this is everything to do with how he feels about himself but dammit I'm doing it all!!!!!!! He is nowhere to be seen! No money, no time, no interest yet he's accusing ME. He can take his blather to somewhere else because if he's not going to do it he need to get the F outta the way of the people doing the work. He rambles stupid crap, says awful things to the boys, and me helping them to feel empowered makes me bad? I'm not perfect but I'm trying. NOW, I have to have another conversation with S18 to somehow tell him not to say anything to his dad he overhears as his dad is not understand in all the while not making it seem to ask him to keep secrets!!

We have a small house. I'm trying to be in different areas than them, keep doors closed, but between school and work there's mostly a child home all the time. S18 had an early shift today so when I called my L this am re: the letter no one was home. I'm certainly not doing this in the same room as them. If I have a friend over again diffenent area, doors closed, etc.

He's crazy. CRAZY! I'm trying to protect my children from a crazy, angry man in proceeding that don't recognize his state or care about my boys only what is legal, if one more person tells me it's the law I may deck them! I can't tell you how many times I've said I don't give a sh1t what the law is I care about how this is emotially destroying my boys. I even told my lawyer I don't care about visitation he can come see his boys whenever he wants he just DOES NOT COME. She said well it's not appropriate, not his home, I said, you're not following me I DONT CARE His boys live here. They need their father. He can come when he wants to see them. Pick them up. Stay. Whatever. He will not come.

Crying again. I feel so beat up.