I've looked at life from both sides now

[Pudmuddle]

So he approaches things very timidly, typically as a complaint or a problem. My response is usually first empathy. Complaint continues. My next response is a question, like, "how do you think it could be fixed?" It continues, as he doesn't have a solution. I then make a suggestion, to which he has a reason why that solution won't work or why the problem really isn't a problem and doesn't matter. To which I will then open up and make a clarification that, the issue is his. That where he is an the reason for the problem is his choice and not mine, and I am comfortable with his decision and choice on this matter. And then he will make a move of reconnection. At that point he will move towards me. No further discussion. He will not ask if he can. At that point when it has been acknowledged that it is his choice, he will just start doing it.

This is my H to a T. It always starts as a complaint, to which I became numb too and ignored because I didn't know how to "fix" it. And it became Charlie Brown's teacher in my ear Wah wah wah wah wah, zoned out. Now, I know to let him complain and encourage him to speak more. Your situation seems a bit ahead of mine but on a similar path, so I find your postings very inspiring and helpful. Thanks Raine. I will continue to lurk on your threads