Rolling in the deep...

[wishing, hoping]

It's been a week since I posted. I was angry. I still am angry. I feel like someone has placed a huge curse on me. Maybe karma is coming back at me for all my nasty thoughts.

Things continue to worsen. My debt is increasing. I owe more to the attorney and I JUST PAID the attorney. I owe the courts for GAL fees. There are 5 other motions on the docket that I will need to pay my attorney for and those motions do not get me any closer to any closure whatsoever. I emailed the attorney to tell him if he needs to drop me so be it, but I cannot afford his services unless he will accept payments. Christmas is coming up and I don't know how I can afford presents or if I will even have a home for Christmas.

H has been emailing left and right wanting to take the kids trick or treating this weekend. It is my weekend so I got to make the call. And of course, I am the better person so I told him he could take them for about 45 minutes to an hour after I took them. I know he will never return the favor. He will not be as considerate to me. So why on earth did I just turn the other cheek?

I do think H is planning on taking this divorce to trial. I think he is sitting on money and CC'ing his attorney and filing motions left and right to wear me down mentally and financially so that he can be strong at the trial. He's crafty. Not brilliant, but crafty and sly. Not sly as a fox. More like Wile Coyote.

S is getting a D in Math. I emailed the teacher and apparently it's a tough chapter. The teacher didn't sound overly concerned, but I am. So now I am having an email banter with H on how to handle the situation. Maybe he sucked me into this conversation, I don't know. The important thing is S.

D continues to fight and argue with H. I don't see that improving. To those who think it will improve once H and I are separated, I think you are dead wrong. I think it will only get worse because I will not be there as another set of eyes to watch H. D told me the other night she likes mommy days better than daddy days because mommy doesn't yell.

I am so depressed I could scream. I was late to work this morning because my gas gauge went low and no gas station in sight. I had to drive 15 minutes out of my way to get gas and then was 15 minutes late and was scolded by my boss who told me next time to text her (while I am driving?). I was making cookies last night and something went wrong and they burned on the bottom but were completely raw on the top. I had to finish them by putting parchment paper down. Then things were fine.

I am just whining and venting, so please bear with me. I am angry, frustrated, fed up and emotional. Right now the light at the end of the tunnel is the crazy train bearing down.

WH