DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[DTM]

I am doing well with not initiating contact as of late..have gotten off my sad depressive state, no more whinning, crying, begging...(that was a really hard time for me and very out of character). I've quit the gift giving, I'm giving her space, I'm not asking where she is every few hours, I only call for the kids if she's out, I don't argue about money although I do ask where the purchase was made in order to record it (as I always do) - I have offered her the job of doing it instead if she wants too, I work out, I cycle, I get out, I love my job, I take care of the yard work and house chores that I always have, I still go out of my way to do things for her - wash / wax / vacuum her car, help with groceries, laundry, etc...I have quit complimenting her beautiful looks or clothes & telling her I miss her..............she knows all of these things.

Last night I texted and asked if it was a good time to say hello / goodnight to my kids (she was 3 hrs away at Grandmother's house visiting)...talked with the kids for 20 mins and then oldest asked if I wanted to speak to mom...I told her I didn't want to interrupt her if she was busy - she overheard and picked up the phone and I let her tell me about her day. It was a realtives B-day and I asked if they had got together with them and she stated that she asked and recevied the cold shoulder, presumably because of our "situation" (the B-day girl is really on my side with all of this and hates what my W is doing)...I calmly said to her "what situation" and turned the conversation to something else..avoiding the R talk.

I am still very hopeful that I am getting the hang of the DB techniques, I've read and re-read the book various times. I've read countless threads on this forum..I am trying and as you all know it is extremely difficult to act 180 out of how you want to act.
One of my biggest issues now is that since I told myself to give up showing love to my W and GAL, I put myself out in the lurker crowd for a date - it took all of 2 days and I have another woman very interested in me......funny story here is that she is damn near exactly the same personality because she did the same thing to her ex-H, (she is divorced 1.5 yrs).....although I didn't do anything with this OW except spend time together she wants to spend every free minute with me and I've been coming up with excuses not too because I feel it's a bad decision and will ultimately ruin my chances at successful DB'ing with my W.....my fear is that my W really won't come back and I should be out there enjoying myself? Hell I don't know.
Love my wife, really really do....just weird when she tells you to go out and do it because she's done...do you or not?