Is There Anything Left pt 5

[Not Quitting]

I'm so glad to hear you're starting to piece. Hearing good news really helps when your own sitch isn't going anywhere. I have been reading your thread, just not posting on it.

My H is still way too wrapped up in OW and way too deep in his MLC fog. I do get a glimpse of the old H once in a while, but only briefly and not very often.

No pity parties today. I'm determined to have a good day and not let H have any free rent in my head.

[chasingpavements]

Thanks NQ. I must admit I am a little worried about him moving back, as I am kind of liking the way things are, and my new freedom. I guess I am a bid OCD when it comes to cleaning the house, and he goes around making messes everywhere, and letting the kids make messes everywhere. Think I will hire a housecleaner when I go back to work!!! I guess I am just scared about everything.

I think it's good that you are starting to see glimpses of your old H now and then. Isn't that what they say on the MLC phases article.. as time goes by you may start to see more and more of their old self come back, intertwined with their "new" self? It's crazy to watch them go through the changes. I saw my H lose 60 pounds, get braces, dress differently, etc. When he told me he wanted to separate he would come to see the kids and his face looked sunken in almost, so skinny, and his face had this worried/sad look. He is starting to look better and more healthy now.

[Not Quitting]

CP, aren't we all scared of everything to do with our sitches?

I watched my H grow his hair long, start working out like crazy (from no working out to daily work outs), change hairstyle back to crewcut, start wearing a chain again that he stopped wearing years and years ago and trade many of his old friends in for a new, much younger, single crowd. He drinks heavily and claims it's because his PTSD is worse than ever - personally I think his PTSD is worse because of his drinking but no one can tell him that. He complained that he was losing weight, and then admits that he's eating less now than he did when he lived at home.

The biggest problem is that his best buddy and a couple other really good friends (older ones that he hasn't traded in yet) are all going through or recently have gone through marital breakdowns. Combine that with the fact that his new friends are all single, that just reinforces in his mind that what he is doing is right. Even OW has been divorced nearly as long as we've been married and of course she's not going to tell him he's doing anything wrong.

On the rare occasion that he actually makes eye contact I can see in them that he's not happy, no matter how loudly he proclaims to be. And it hurts that I can only stand by and let him go through this on his own, that if I want to have any hope that he'll return to me one day I have to bite my tongue and take whatever pain he cares to dish out.

[chasingpavements]

I think you're right, that they pretty much have to work things through on their own, at their own pace. Which is frustrating! Because here we are, watching them transform, from a birdseye view. On the flip side, we have transformed as well, through all of this. We have come a long way with our DB'ing, getting a life, getting new hobbies, bonding with friends, working on our appearance, doing 180's, etc. I wrote on someone's thread once that I think H's mlc is causing me to have my own little mlc.. haha.

[Not Quitting]

I wrote on someone's thread once that I think H's mlc is causing me to have my own little mlc.. haha.

Love it. I'm thinking that I'll have one just as H's fog clears - let him see how it feels. Or is that just being evil?

[TryingToDo180]

II'm not sure he is positive that he really wants to go to his dad's place, but I'm not going to say any more unless he brings it up.

I get that with my son as well. Yesterday my son was saying "oh we could go to the halloween fun day on Saturday, then have lunch out if you like!". I have to remind him a couple of times in the week that he is staying over at his dad's on Saturday.

[TryingToDo180]

Good news on your piecing CP I know what you mean about having them living with you again after being on your own for so long. You suddenly have to change your routine again.
My H would always leave stuff around the place, until he started his MLC. Since he's left, he's forever nitpicking on the way I leave things a mess and don't clean up after myself!
I'm going to have something worse than an MLC, I'm going to be going through the menopause soon, lol. I've got to get it checked out but I think I may have started, either that or it's perimenopausal, lol. H will not know what's hit him when I start

[MileHigh]

CP, that is awesome news. I understand about the cleaning. To be fair, when W was here, we both were in our own unhappy fog and nobody was cleaning much. I tended to keep my cubicle at work spotless and organised. But now I'm able to keep this place neat, and even if I slip for a while on scrubbing the floors, or the dishes pile up in the sink, It's still way cleaner than it was, and than how the W was keeping the new house way back when I last saw it. I think she's genuinely shocked when she comes over here and there's no laundry on the floor, the towels are hung up. And the toilet is clean!!!! I'm still a mess when it comes to bits of paper - anything that comes in the mail, etc. I think I need to dig that tickler file out again and give it another try. That will require establishing a routine, though to keep up with it. But I digress. And I hijack.... who's thread was this again?

[Not Quitting]

It's ok MH, like your thread mine is a hijack-permitted zone LOL.

[TryingToDo180]

I get confused sometimes on who's thread we're on, lol. My thread is a hijack free zone as well I often come down in the morning when you lot have been on and found my thread filled with ramdom stuff like amish and vanilla ice, lol. I don't mind though