You have vented you want all these things sexually , you can't have it with her, so now you want to go outside the marriage.
Well, doing so wouldn't be the end of the world. In fact, it's not even the end of a lot of marriages.
A sizable minority of people don't seek and don't need Dr. Phil's approval for how they meet their needs. One example would be swingers. Not exactly my cup of tea, but there's a group which sort of meets their need for more variety than they have in their marriage. You could say that some of them are in it for the wrong reasons. Then I would counter that since over half of marriages don't make it past year 12, does that mean most people are in marriages for the wrong reason?
As for endless talking to one's spouse and not going outside the marriage, I have a friend who tried that. His wife never took him seriously. He even threatened having an affair if she didn't want to work on their intimacy. She though he was joking. He even left divorce papers on the kitchen table for her to review. She didn't sign them. She though he was just being annoying and wanted him to get over his "obsession with sex", as if wanting any at all was an "obsession". Well, guess what? Eventually he went out and had an affair and lived with the other woman for a few weeks. His wife was shocked and went into a panic and pleaded for him to return.
As cruel as it may sound, it sometimes takes an actual affair to wake up a partner. Sometimes words alone just don't bring it home.
Well if you study these cases like I have since 2007, you will realize you are exactly correct.
It's the only type of thing that will cause some harsh feelings if there are feelings still there, hell the withholder may not realize there are feelings there and it will ignite them.
Plus there was the concept of image. If you have been puppy dogging for years and being starved, she see's you as sexless. If you have sexlife, and especially if it's a affair partner who has alot going on for them, it will raise feelings of inferiority and competition ensues.
I believe it's a good "parting shot" for a situation which you have tried and tried and tried, and you decide you are going to have a sexlife and the spouse will not control this, you've been as reasonable as you can and they are no longer going to rob you.
