So today I took S1 to the doc because he has a nervous tick and his pediatrician referred him to a neurologist. I came home so emotionally drained that I literally stared at wall until I fell asleep after S1 went to take a nap.
This morning I had written H an email telling him I still expect him to move out if he cannot be 100% in this. I'm sure this is not DBing but maybe I am not strong enough (or my love is not strong enough) to follow all the guidelines.
When he got back home he was chatty and had a guy over here making an estimate of the fences around the house (they are rotten and falling apart). I still don't think he wants to sell the house, btw, because he thinks I will keep living here even if we are separated with comments he makes.
Anyway, S1 broke a standing lamp but its cover was intact and it still looks nice. h asked, "do WE want to keep this?" I said yes, that I would like to keep it. Then he said, "what will WE do with it?" And I said I would find some use for it.
He hasn't mentioned my email.
I still don't trust his motives to stay with us, if they are economical or practical, or both. I still don't believe that he is staying because of me.
Our baby will be born in 7 days via csection, btw.
Something inside me has really died. I don't look at H the same, and I'm not so sure I could ever get over everything that is happening. A part of me really wants this to be over. Maybe I'm becoming a WAS.
