My H came upstairs after he got home, to get the dog that sleeps on my bed to see if he had to go outside. Then when he brought the dog back he kind of closed the door. Ought O, i thought.
H: I'm going out Friday night. I wanted to tell you earlier but you just got home from work and all. Me: Ok
H: I noticed earlier you moved your ring from your right hand to your left when you got home.
Me: I didn't do that on purpose. I had honestly absentmindedly moved it to my other hand.
H: Well I'm the one asking for the separation and divorce, so you don't have to worry about that.
Me: I honestly don't know why I did that. A freudian slip.
Honestly I didn't remember doing that.
H: Well I don't mind if you want to go out.
Me: I'm married!
He just stared at me.
Me: You obviously want to talk. What's on your mind?
H: I'm honestly sorry for all the hurt. For hurting you when your father died. You asked me to apologize for all that stuff.
Me: I never asked you to apologize. I said your actions would speak louder than your words.
H: I'm sorry for all the hurt.
Me; If you want a divorce, then YOU are going to have to file it, and YOU are going to have to do it. I still believe in our marriage. I still believe in you.
Quietness.
M: I'm worried about you, because what you are looking for now is just all a bandaid for the hurt. Don't you want to look inside yourself to find out what will make you happy again?
H: Yes, I do.
Me: Every time things get rough you run away. Don't you want to look deep inside and figure out why? You have often always expected me to keep you happy when you weren't happy. And that is a huge burden to put on another person. You can't love someone else wholly until you love yourself.
(You can tell I'm a talker...)
H: Yeah, you're right. I did expect you to make me happy, fulfill my needs....even in all my...neediness. That was a lot to put on you.
M: that butterflies and giddy feeling you get from someone isn't love. That's only temporary. Real love is being there for someone even in the worst times and sticking by them, helping them through it and coming out better for it.
H: I know I wasn't there for you. Especially when your father died. It was just such a heavy time.
M: I understand that.
M: I do want to know at some point how you feel I've failed you as a wife.
H: ok...I can think..on that. He seemed real sad about that.
M: If you want the divorce then I honestly cannot be friends with you. Because then you will have left me as a H and as a best friend.
He got real sad and nodded his head. Then he quietly said "ok". and left the room.
Ok, folks. I'm seriously now thinking about asking him to move out. I don't know if I can handle having him here anymore.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
