To little Too late

[2little2late]

You know I think the core of all of this Is my working in the film industry 85 hrs a week and a promise of lonely nights sitting at home alone. It is not the life she wants and I really don't blame her for not wanting that.

[completelylost]

You are in a good place bud, she's communicating and that is a BIG deal. Take it slow, PRAY always and just be the husband that loves his W unconditionally. Also while this site is to help people going through a traumatic time in their lives not ALL adivce here is good advice. Some posters can be very toxic with all the hyperbole and bitterness. Eat the meat and throw away the bone. Yes all our sitiuations are similiar but your sitch is your sitch. Only you know your W... Be positive and remember life and death is the tongue, speak life!

[2little2late]

Hey Pudmuddle,
Just curious what you meant by seeing the "flip side of my wife in a few days". I don't want to get my hopes up but I have noticed changes. There has been a lot more of playful conversation between us when I come home on the weekends. More physical contact like brushing up against me and hand contact. She is now also anxiously doing my laundry. When I leave to go back to work she is now walking me to the door and giving me a kiss and big hugs where before there was nothing.

[Pudmuddle]

What I meant is there will be days of pure joy and welcoming from your W, but then for what appears to be no reason she may pull back and say things that make no sense. It was just a heads up on how conflicted they can appear to be. Don't base any of your reactions on her emotions if she should get this way. Just keep validating her in calm, cool way. Make sense?

However, it really sounds like now she is behaving nicely! How lucky for you, it sounds wonderful.

[2little2late]

I understand. Thanks!

[2little2late]

Each week seems to get me a little closer to my wife. The disgust that she had for me seems to be going away. Each weekend that ends she is more and more forth coming with the Kiss and hugs she gives me as I am leaving.
Someone in the past few weeks made a good point to me about my 180. Since I was always gone at work and unavaiable that my 180 might be different than the next person. It has been interesting trying to know which path I should take. I guess ultimately it should be the one that at the end of the day I feel satisfied that I have tried to understand my wifes pain and I have learned to love unconditionally.
I have not persued my wife I have just been a friend. I have read "The 5 Love Languages" and seen where I thought that I was loving her with words of affirmation on a daily basis those words showed very little since her Primary Love Language is "Quality Time". We have spent some quality time together and it seems to be working on her. There is no talk about divorce but more talk about doing things together and future trips as a family. It is a little confusing but I imagine a lot confusing for her.
She has to be wondering why the hell would I divorce this guy. I have to admit that if I were the man I am now during our marriage I would never be posting here. We'll see in time if she feels like I have changed for good.

[2little2late]

Here is something new, my wife who has taken her wedding ring off for the past 2 months just started wearing it again. I don't know if she just wore it for her parents since we were celebrating her birthday together but reguardless she did....
I don't want to persue but I also don't want to completely ignore her.
We have our 14th wedding anniversary coming up. Should I get a gift? Considering our situation it is kind of a toss up on what to do. Or at least it seems that way to me.

[JayMan]

2l2l - congrats on the progress! How have you celebrated anniversaries in the past? Did W receive them well?

[2little2late]

She is big on recognizing birthdays and important dates. I think that I would do more harm by not doing anything vs doing something small. It is not until Dec. 9th. Who knows maybe we'll reconcile by then.

[2little2late]

If any one can answer this, I have an interesting situation.

Since I have been working out of town it has been kind of like a separation. We have been together on the weekends. Me coming back to see our daughter which always ends up in us doing things together as a family. Well the TV show that I am working on ends in December which leaves me coming home. I think that this is making my wife have to think about us and our marriage again which hasn't really had to do. I can imagine that this is probably making her feel uneasy and like she is being backed into a corner. The house we live in is way to expensive for us to afford so reality is that we should move out of it and rent it to pay for the mortgage. But we have not thoroughly discussed this.

My wife sometimes speaks in tongue; I am joking, she is not the best communicator though which seems like she is speaking another language and I feel like she is fishing right now. She keeps asking what I am going to do when the show is over. Am I going to keep my apartment out of town? What am I going to do with my furniture, etc.? As hard headed as she is I am almost certain that she is still planning her escape. My working out of town has just made it easy for her not to have to deal with our situation.

So my questions are...
1)Should I call her bluff? Should I ask her about her concerns. Even though she has never asked for a divorce she has said that she is done with our marriage and I do know how serious and stubborn she can be?

2)Should I ask her if she is not planning on me coming back to our home once my show is done?

3)If I do come home should I ask her if she is going to move out?

I have the feeling that there is still some hidden agenda she has that I am not being included in. I feel like for her she has made up her mind and in her mind thinks that we will be separated or divorced and still have this wonderful relationship that we have now. It may be that way but who knows what the future holds. I may not be strong enough to do this Tango indefinitely.

Any thoughts or comments are greatly appreciated.