Look at your WAW as though she is having an affair! It might not be with an OM, it might not even be with some imaginary man but it for sure is with another way of life that she right now believes will make her happier. Read through the rest of the book and do not rush into giving any speeches at all. You can easily apply the book you are reading to other things than OM. If not then read it again!
I have been through the lot as you know and my advice for you right now is keep on reading. When you get through Dobson then open the next one. Educate yourselves a little further before you start deciding/acting. I would recommend N.U.T.s as the next book and then off course other sitches in here! You need to educate yourselves on two matters: The way of the WAW and YOU. By you I mean you need to realize your faults, what changed that made W fall out of love, who were you, who are you and who do you want to be – you need to dig into you and look at the person you find. I recommend N.U.T.s because it helped me tremendously in this process – perhaps it can do the same for you. When you know who you are you can start working on becoming who you want to be. Perhaps W will fall in love with this guy! Also consider working your listening skills: You have AS along and he is the master of validating – read up on this in his thread/post or simply google it. Also google WAW – there a lot of info in cyberspace!
I know you would properly like to read success-stories to keep your hope and spirit but trust me when I tell you that you will learn plenty by just following the ongoing sitches in here. Pick some that you believe is close to your own (that means LBHs posting) and start reading. By that I mean read through it all and from then on follow the sitch. Most WAWs follow script and most LBHs seems to follow the same path at first - so just get going! At the same time I will tell you that sitches, books, success-stories won’t keep up your hope only you can do this. IMHO hope and even better believing is the most important thing to all of this! Know that this can be done, it will be done again and it might be you!
You seem to have your emotions reasonable controlled – that’s great so keep it that way and apply the 48 hour rule to almost everything right now! Do not act on emotions for now! Every time you feel like reaching out to W simply wait 48 hours in doing so – simple, doable and extremely effective! Your emotions will change, you will feel turmoil and urge to act – 48 hours!! Practice the sentence: “W, I simply need to give this a thought or two and then I’ll get back to you on this one, OK?” You need to have a few other wordings with the same meaning. She will properly come at you and if you feel emotions rising then use this, back off, take some time, get advice in here and don’t say or do anything you might regret later!
Accept that you properly have a long way in front of you. It seems like you have done this but make sure it is truly done and that this have sunk in! Try going back to my first or second thread and read the advice from VETs in these. I believe you will find valuable information there!
Realize that I am not a VET so go with them if they tell you otherwise.
Keep posting and keep hoping! It can be done!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
