I started this in newcomers but I am not new to this sight.
It is very challenging for me since he is home and we share a bed. I am struggling bringing up OW. We have been arguing for 3 days, ugh. We keep saying not more fighting but I can't keep my mouth shut!! I am going to from today forward. H keeps saying that he is breaking it off with EA 200 miles away but can't. Says he is having a hard time....
I know I need to stop what I am doing and not bring her up. H has said MANY times he is only here for kids and we can't financially. He will not go to counseling. We are done! I know not to believe him too. We did this dance 7 years ago been at this dance before. Obviously we didn't learn. Any advice on living with a husband who wants out.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I am in a similar situation. W and still live together with the kids for the time being but she wants a D ASAP.
the only thing I think we can do is detach and accept what they are saying to be true, "they want out". You cant fix them and you cant control them.
The best advice I have is to accept what the MLSer says and move forward with your life without your H.
Improve yourself and GAL. From what I have learned here, when they say they are done, they mean it! They can have a change of heart but, they still have to go through the MLC process to deal with their issues.
I know it is a terrible way to go through life right now. I have been living it for almost 8 months now and my W is still "full steam ahead" with the D.
I was advised to not stand in her way of the D but also, not to help her. She will have to do it all herself. I think eventually, she will wake up to the fact that she has done so much damage to the kids and our marriage. When they realize you were there for them (standing for them), once they come out of the fog/tunnel, it will make it easier for them to come back to you. If they come back.
No guarantees though. That's is why you should be moving on with your life with out them for now.
Thank you. Yes, you are correct when they say they are done they really mean/believe it. Since this is my second time around I know. H was dead serious then but had a change of heart. Not sure about this time. No divorce proceedings. So I don't know this time. They only thing is different is he is at home and still in bed with me. And continuing the EA.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
We keep saying not more fighting but I can't keep my mouth shut!!
I'm not sure keeping your mouth shut is the answer, but learning effective communication skills may be. Do you see an IC? If so, talk to them about this and tell them you need help in diffusing arguments and turning them into meaningful discussions.
Quote:
H has said MANY times he is only here for kids and we can't financially. He will not go to counseling. We are done! I know not to believe him too.
Well he's probably serious, so you definitely have a WAS on your hands. Time to brush up on your DB'ing!
Quote:
Any advice on living with a husband who wants out.
It's probably what you did before, but get out. GAL. Give him time and space. Quit the pressuring talks. Get out DR and whatever other R books you may have gotten back then and reread them. Refresh yourself on Sandi2's 37 Rules. Good luck!
Being very challenged living together and H thinking he is joking about hoping I find someone else. I went out to lunch with a friend and I said it was a "friend" not a male or female. It was a female. H just kept pushing wanting it to be a man. I walked away and he came to find me. H also likes to kid and knows it pushed my buttons. H also tried to initiate sex again Tuesday night and I said no. H told me it was me who started it. He does that a lot or says we didn't have it. My bad I got upset be cause he was insisting it was me. Then when I did get mad he said he was kidding. I politely said we are not at a place to joke or kid so please don't. H said you are correct. Although we still get into arguments we are TRYING to diffuse them but it is a work in progress. This is new to us.. I was doing so well all day being happy and nice but then he pushes and I reacted. A new day tomorrow!! Also, 180 is challenging too.My 180 would be more interested in what he is doing, helping, sitting to watch what he is watching, etc. Spending more time with him is not what I need to be doing!
I accidentally posted this on another page I started and don't know how to delete it. So it you see it sorry.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
