I'm almost sorry to see this one go Angela. I know it's been painful for you and, yet, I've learned sooooo much from everything you and everyone else posted. Good bye Wise Thread. Gotta bookmark this one!!
HEather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Mach1: You are right. I know you are. And you've given me some very good, detailed things that I need to do. I am just terrified. I realize that, at this point, who he is, shouldn't really matter to me. He is not the man I married...and he is NOT the man, right now, that I want to stay with the rest of my life. BUT....I'm terrified of the unknown and terrified that it's already over. I feel like I'm hanging onto to nothing. The M that I had is gone. My H is mostly gone.
To start...
No, he is not the man that you married. That man is out swinging on grapevines right now.
Keep in mind, that the fear that you have over this, comes back to this. You are afraid that the man that you married is still in there somewhere, and that you will be taking a stand against THAT man instead of the man that he is today.
You are afraid that you will be pushing away that man that you married. In truth, the person that you will be taking a stand against is the man formally known as that man.
Good grief, can we just label them Man "A" and man "B" ???
Anywoo....
You married man A , and man B shows up to crash the marriage party....
Make sense ???
Your fear is just that. Cat mentioned that he has already left you in every sense except the physical one. The only thing left, is the legal and physical proximity of the remains of a relationship.
And I know how "hard" that sounds. It is a truth that every LBS must face. This marriage is out of order. Maybe yet to be fixed, maybe not. No person knows the future, and they never will.
Your future is still wide open. It MAY contain a new relationship with your current spouse , and then again, it may not.
The things that you fear, have already happened. Nothing that happens down the road should surprise you now.
You have been given the opportunity to write your own next chapter of YOUR life....
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
