Is There Anything Left pt 5

[Pudmuddle]

I used to long for him to come home and watch out the window. Now I can't wait until he leaves and when he is gone I am much more relaxed.

When he is here, he is just my roommate, my other teenager. But I can't wait for him to leave! lol.

[Not Quitting]

Do you mean you are walking on egg shells?

Nope, I gave up walking on egg shells the day he moved out. I used to, just so I didn’t do something wrong and upset him, but now I have the opinion that it’s my home, he chose to move out and if he doesn’t like what I’m doing in my house, then that’s his problem. I think that doing that is keeping me more relaxed and the knock-on result from that is that H and I do seem to be getting along better. Still a long way to go before we're where we need to be, but every little step along the way is one step closer.

When he is here, he is just my roommate, my other teenager. But I can't wait for him to leave! lol.

Yep, my 50 year old teenage. Only my 13 year teenager is more mature and definitely more sensible .

When H does come round, I've gotten into the habit of trying to make sure that I have something to do so that I keep busy as much of the time as I can, even if it’s just sitting on the sofa and working on my latest cross stitch project or reading a novel (no self-help books when he's around). And I have been known to watch the clock to see how much longer he’s going to be there.

[Not Quitting]

H has finally decided (once again) that he needs to have a man-to-man talk with S13. H wants him to spend Sunday at his place instead of H coming round the house. I don't have a problem with that but it is ultimately S13's decision and I told H that. He wasn't happy as he doesn't think a 13 year can make decisions like that, but I stood my ground. Told him that he needs to ask S13 if he wants to go to his place or not. I also told him that if our son does go to his place and decides that he doesn't want to stay after their talk then he is not to force the issue and is to let him come home. H agreed reluctantly. Knowing that his dad has an OW and actually hearing from the horse's mouth are two completely different things and I don't know how S13 is going to take it. H has always said that S13 is a wimp and needs to man up. He just doesn't get it that some kids are more sensitive than others.

It also seems that Christmas has been decided. I was informed by H that S13 will spend Boxing Day with him at his flat. I will discuss that with S13 after the weekend - from here on in I am giving S13 the decision as to what contact he wants. I'm not going to deny him contact, but if S13 doesn't want it then that will be his decision, not mine.

And before anyone gets any 2x4s out for what may be perceived as be confrontational or deliberately causing opposition, I need to add that H admitted to already having had at least one beer (and it's only mid-afternoon here) and he doesn't start work for another couple of hours - and he works in a bar so isn't supposed to have any alcohol in his system but he doesn't care and hasn't for several months (before BD). That is not exactly an environment I want my son in. H thinks nothing of cracking a beer at 11 in the morning, and he doesn't stop at just one.

[TryingToDo180]

oh yes the MLC triplets strike again! My H is having S round to his flat on boxing day as well, lol.
I agree about not walking on eggshells I'm going to toughen up now and not walk on eggshells around H anymore and if he doesn't like it then tough I'm hoping to spend my half term NOT doing college work that I'm supposed to be doing, but doing some work around the house My son is going away for 3 days and nights which will give me plenty of time to do some work around the house
I wouldn't give you a 2x4 for saying what you did. You need to protect your son from any further upsets and this is a boundary that you're giving H. Hopefully he'll carry out your wishes. I've asked H not to keep my son up until 11, but he just smiled at me. Guess what? He kept him up until 11! grrrrr!

[Not Quitting]

Yep, we'll have to see if Pud's H is the same, then it will definitely be triplets won't it.

I need to toughen up as well. H still knows how to push buttons and when he does I still get emotional. I think what hurts the most is that I lost my best friend the day my H checked out of our M. That and the fact that he seems to have replaced me without even trying and doesn't care what anyone else thinks - that definitely is not the man I fell in love with and married.

You might want to spend a little bit of time on your college work if it's something that is due when you get back from half term. Unless of course you'd let your son get away with not doing his homework - in which case, go ahead and don't do your homework LOL .

Roll on wine o'clock - I really need one after today's convo with H.

[TryingToDo180]

I've run out of wine, so I've raided the drinks cabinet I'm having a large port and lemon with plenty of ice I must get some more wine in tomorrow, I'm going to be clinking my way into college tomorrow as I've only got time to get them beforehand, lol.
My son doesn't get homework on his course, lucky thing My homework doesn't need to be handed in until the end of Nov, so I don't have to do it next week

[Not Quitting]

Well, in that case, go ahead and take next week off.

Not too much decluttering and reorganizing though - I can't do too much of mine until after H finishes packing next week and you and MH are going to get too far ahead of me LOL .

[TryingToDo180]

lol NQ, I doubt I'll be too far ahead, I don't have much motivation at the mo. Besides my friend has still get my wallpaper stripper, lol. A poor excuse not to get anything done! I do need someone to come round and help me though, it's no fun on my own A friend's offered to come round and help, so once I get my stripper back, I'll be inviting her round. She's got 5 kids, so I'm sure we'll be able to have a few bodies round to help, lol. As long as she leaves her little one with her MIL, we'll be fine
I asked my son about his Christmas list and he said "mum, you know I don't give you my list until Dec!". lol. I told him I needed it earlier this year, so he said he'll do it after half term, whoopeee! lol.

[Not Quitting]

I've told my son he's got to talk to his dad and get some ideas from him as I've got to buy something for my son to give his dad. He's said he'll try to remember to do it Sunday when he sees him.

He asked tonight if it's okay to be picked up early on Sunday if he wants to, said that his dad said that it was. I confirmed that it was, all he has to do is call me and I'll pick him up. I'm not sure he is positive that he really wants to go to his dad's place, but I'm not going to say any more unless he brings it up.

[chasingpavements]

Hi NQ

I know what you mean about the "walking on eggshells" thing. I felt the same way. That when H was living in the house I felt like I was always walking on eggshells, and when he left I felt that I could start to do things more way, and it gave me a sense of relief. He often nit-picked the things that I would do around the house and it got to be annoying. I have been enjoying some of my freedom, and it has also made me more independent as I have been learning to do things on my own. Not to jinx it, but we are starting to piece. He has told me that he wants to work on things and he is starting IC. Slowly, he will move back in when we are ready. Whoa!!

Have a good day NQ!
-cp