I noticed in my situation that H got something from doing things around the house. I think he saw/sees it as our getting on with life when I take care of things myself.
For instance, I got a new aerator for the pond last year. This was something I would NEVER have done pre-BD. I also purchased a lawn mower myself, one I shopped for and researched.
Anyway, I notice that, now that I haven't relied on him or asked him for help much at all...When I DO ask for help now, he is almost relieved and flattered. He really makes a point to get it done. He is back to anger now, so right now isn't the best example...but, it has been true in the past 12 months or so.
It's a weird dance. It's like it may ease his guilt right now to help around the house, but, at the same time, he asked for space. We certainly don't want to ease his guilt too much.
Sooooooo, maybe give him what he wants, take care of stuff, and the old adage "beware of what you wish for" comes into play.
It is something of a 180 when they show up and say, "Gotta get this done or that," and you reply, "Oh, I took care of that last month." KaBAM! And, the look on their faces is like, "Wha? You can function without me???"
Just my thoughts. Take what you like and leave the rest,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
