Wow. Tons of stuff happening in your sitch that has a zig zag pattern.
Based on the vets posts from Piecing, I would suggest that you ask your W to accompany you to a MC that is based on Gottman principles in your area. You can frame it to W in a way that it is a partnership/collaboration and that you want the new M to start in the right direction with a trained professional who can aid you two in navigating a new road map together based on solutions. A good investment that may, hopefully, produce the intended result.
