Anyway, how do I handle all this anger and hate directed at ME because he lost his precious OW???!!! Will he get over it and stop being such a jerk?
This probably isn't gonna tame down for a while, so you might as well strap in and start dealing with it differently than you are now.
The anger that he is exhibiting is just another piece of his puzzle that he has yet to figure out.
Once again...YOU have caused his unhappiness in life.
Once again, you are controlling his life, and he is frustrated by your involvement in his affair(s).
He is using this as just another reason to not want to be with you. It is another brick in his wall...
The only way around this, is to set boundaries for yourself on what you will or will not allow.
Validate his concerns, and then let him know, under no conditions, will you allow yourself to be treated the way he is treating you.
Read the post on boundaries in UR's thread ( they sound a little familiar) for ways to dictate how you want to be treated.
MLCers often use their anger as fuel to push away from something that hurts them greatly. The more they lash out, the more "right" they appear to people that may be watching. (Friends/Family). It's sort of like the "Squeaky wheel gets the grease" theory.
The "hurt" that you created for him, pales in comparison to the "hurt" that he caused you. His hurt takes precedence over anything else, and it is YOUR fault now.
It doesn't mean that he is correct, it is just what he feels today. and it is his truth regarding the situation.
You have your won version of the truth, and that is all that should mater to you.
From today forward, you really need to take a stand, and make this about yourself. What you want, what you need, how YOU handle this.
DO NOT allow his actions to take you down to his level of immaturity.
Do for you..
Do for your children..
Do what is right, regardless of how he reacts...
State your boundary, although you need to make it about you, not him.
Boundaries are not to punish him in anyway.
Something like....
H,
I realize that you are angry with me. I simply cannot be in charge of your own actions over this. And I will not allow myself to be treated in the manner in which you are treating me.
If you cannot treat me with respect and courtesy, then I think it best that you find another place to live....
State your boundary and walk away from the conversation.
Let him stew with that for a while. It will zap his energy, and allow you to gain your energy back.
Do not discuss the boundaries for yourself. They are not negotiable. They are about YOU.....
Don't allow him to drag you down into the quagmire any longer.
This is your life too...
And I'm pretty sure that enforcing the boundary is the most important part of it too. Be ready to hang up the phone if he starts. Be ready to ask him to leave if he starts. Be ready to walk away from him at any time...if he starts...
