DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[labug]

My question had to do with how you made the leap in logic from your W having a BF to having an EA with her BF. You explained it further in this post.

I was concerned about seeing other women...if it was a terribly bad idea or not?

This question always confuses me. Do you want to work on being in a R with your W or do you want to date? I don't think you can do both, especially this early in the deal.

Why is cleaning the house "doing" for "her"? Was that an agreement you had, that housecleaning was her job? If so that's fine and if you're helping because you want to then continue, if you're doing it to make points, stop.

You have work to do.

What would be your reasons for dating now?

Sometimes I feel like contacting the other woman and telling her to give me my wife back,

Your W isn't a piece of property that either you or OW have control over. She's making her decisions based on her needs, as we all do. She's out because some need wasn't being met. Do you know what that was?

Other times I think about cancelling her cell phone (which I pay for)

Control. Won't work.
Does your W make money? Was it an agreement that you would pay for the cellphones out of your personal money or is that household money. This is not the time to start quibbling over decisions you made in the past and now are unhappy with. Resentment will only get you in trouble.

Keeping score will keep you stuck.

I will continue to work on myself to be a happier person...hopefully it will fill her with guilt one day.

You say you can't be unloving to someone you truly love but this statement is the ultimate in unloving.

Guilting won't work, again it's about control and keeping score.