The "not into reality right now" reminds me of a FB post that my H posted last summer where he informed the world he was seeing it through rose-colored glasses.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Also, RL, when H & I were talking this past weekend about his MLC, he told me that he needed to hit bottom once or twice to see reality. He really can see what he did and what he needed during MLC. It's quite amazing. My pain isn't a part of the issue. His pain was tremendous.
We both know and recognize the pain but don't need to discuss it. It feels like we are healing. A little bit every day. And each positive experience we have is adding to the feeling it is over. For now, anyway. I could hope it never happens again, by I'm wiser now and am just enjoying each day for what it is.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I am glad that you have set a boundary with your H, and I admire that you are standing for your marriage. It is clear that you love him with all of your heart. He is in a crisis, and you are doing your best by him and supporting him.
Over time, he will look back and know that you were always there for him. And you will always know that you did all that you could. Hopefully he comes to realize what a catch you are.
TSquared..you seem to notice the irony in the subtleties of everyday life. My H got to choose an essay theme for his English course essay.. he chose the theme, "Do. Or do not. There is no try." (Yoda quote). I found that a tad ironic, considering our situation, and had a good chuckle about it!!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Irony seems to be included in my idiom... (sorry, I'm a huge Monty Python fan).
RL, I would bet now that he has lived his Russian fantasy, and seen the "not-so-fantastic" realities, it may take him some time to let go of it...he may keep hanging onto looking for some magical way to make it what he thought it was. Because, he couldn't have been wrong about it, right?
My IC seems to think W is going through that process...she could not have been wrong, and T2 DEFINITELY is not going to be "right" (lol), so let's try to hang onto it, re-work it, etc...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Irony seems to be included in my idiom... (sorry, I'm a huge Monty Python fan).
RL, I would bet now that he has lived his Russian fantasy, and seen the "not-so-fantastic" realities, it may take him some time to let go of it...he may keep hanging onto looking for some magical way to make it what he thought it was. Because, he couldn't have been wrong about it, right?
My IC seems to think W is going through that process...she could not have been wrong, and T2 DEFINITELY is not going to be "right" (lol), so let's try to hang onto it, re-work it, etc...
Very genius thoughts t^2. They insisted it was the right thing to do, now they can't possibly be wrong can they? LOL. that gives me small hope, thank you for that insight.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Yes, this. “They insisted it was the right thing to do” applies to my H big time! He is very stubborn and it will take a major fall down to make him to re-evaluate his decision.
Rosa, I kind of had the same thoughts about your H’s behavior. He is buying his time by pretending that he is moving towards the D decision. I’m not sure what he is hoping to achieve by doing this though. Maybe he is trying to convince himself. Time will tell. You are doing great!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Also, RL, when H & I were talking this past weekend about his MLC, he told me that he needed to hit bottom once or twice to see reality.
My H just said this to me on Fri. He said he needs to bottom out and be shown more than once what it is he is doing and the impact on all of us. The lasting impact that can hurt us.
During the height of MLC there was so much to do and see with his new MLC glasses there is no way to see or care about the destruction in his path.
Now as thing are "not as fun" and people are no longer "as friendly" he is waking to the reality of it all and now needs to make that finale choice.
He hasn't moved out, he has made that choice very clear, and is not having relations, all good stuff, but he has his last steps he needs to conquer.
He fights the reality of things and lacks the strength to deal with them. Maybe bottom hasn't hit him hard enough yet!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
So, you have made the decision to stand for your marriage a bit longer but detach more from your H.
Honey, we support whatever decision that you make. As long as you are not making that decision at Rosa's expense. I wish I knew for you what to make of your H.
From an outside perspective, it seems that he does not have much incentive to change right now - you and OW are still competing. His ego is loving it. I don't think it matters who or what she is - she feeds his ego. Her demands, even while annoying to him, feed his ego. She wants to be with him that badly. The more she "begs", the better he feels. Even if HE is aware that it is impossible for them to be together. In truth, your H is using two women right now - you and OW. I cannot begin to understand that mentality.
I am thrilled that you stated your boundary and hope for your sake that you do not have to enforce it. When you become stronger or more detached, you might draw a line at him contacting OW while in your home - that YOU pay for. If he wants to talk to her, he leaves the house. We are told only to set boundaries that we can enforce and you may not be ready for that.
Having your H home and around you has to be difficult. Mine appears every once in a blue moon and it never fails to make me uncomfortable. GAL and detaching are good goals, Rosa. Perhaps he will come out of the tunnel one day. Who can tell? Be true to you and take care of you. Know when it is time to say enough. That is the hard part, I think.
