A bit of background data: I went to a friend's birthday party a couple weeks ago, and a lot of her work friends were there. I had a great time, then didn't think anything about it. I found out two women thought I was a hottie, asked if I was single, what kind of girls I like, etc. Apparently, my friend told a mutual friend and W found out about it, and wasn't happy at all. I didn't know the above actually until yesterday.
So, W was texting me again about our past and how we did xyz wrong, and this time I simply said things like, "I remember how difficult that time was" or "I know that had to have been so hard, I wish we had done that differently" or "I'm sure you were hurt by that, it wasn't fair." Validating KING!
Then after awhile, I said, "Do you see how we're stuck in a blame cycle? My natural reaction to everything you've said is to point out something you did to me so I can defend myself; but I think that just gets us in a battle to see who treated each other the worst and all that does is cause bitterness and resentment. We both are very hurt - and the feelings are warranted, but if we continue to focus on nothing but the past, then we'll continue to have heated emotional conversations that just result in anger and drive us further apart."
W didn't respond, so about 4 hours later, I texted her and said, "I am ok with all this now. I am waiting on the updated dissolution as we discussed and I'll sign it and give it to you, and we can wrap up in 30 days. I have been asked out three times, so I'll probably date as friends, and if you want to date as well, it won't bother me. I still think the kids need some time and space, and my two and I are attending family counseling, so I'll see what comes out of that to make a decision on their time together. I'm truly grateful for the good times we had together and I wish you the best in life."
