Better to love or be loved?

[willbwell]

one more thing I want to share. and again I do it here because I know this is a safe place. We have lived comfortably all our marriage.We are not extravagant by any means, but I have never worried about getting the bills paid or buying groceries. Our home is a 1950's ranch. H wants to give me the house(pay it off- we don't owe a huge amount) There is enough cash in an account to do it. but, h wants to give me the house and be done. I don't want to sell it because I will not do that to the kids.
I am back in school. At best my job( Medical assisting ) will make about 40,000 a year. Taxes and insurance on the house here in TX are about 10,000 a year. H wants to walk away. This is a not new house. This is where his children live. Though it will be paid off, there will still be every year taxes and maintenance to pay.
H just wants to be done. wants to live in an apt and have no responsibilties . Makes me ill to think about.

S17 needs the computer. have to sign off. my life...

[willbwell]

thank you BF and As

[willbwell]

the petition say grounds for divorce because the marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities that destroys the legitimate ends of the marriage relationship and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation.
the discord I guess started after the affair started.
My personality hasn't changed. I am still good and kind and do what is right.

It is amazing to me that someone says I want a divorce and then Wham! Do attorneys ask... have you thought about Marriage counseling? hell no! Do they ask... Could there be some underlying Madical condition -ie depression?

H has said he wants to 'move forward'. well D is nothing but going backwards.

I know I am supposed to allow God to take over here. I want to scream against the injustice! I want to stop crying.

I keep saying to myself...let go, let go. I shake my head and swallow my sobs. I know eventually I will be ok. I will get thru.
Boy, I wish I could take a vacation!!

[JuneReN]

WBW-hugs to you and you will be well.

It's a piece of paper and some WAS need it to move on. Where you choose to go next is up to you.

Financially I am in the same boat, in school, with H saying I can take over my bills next year.

I haven't yet told him with my salary that it will not be possible to keep this house and lifestyle. Which is not a big issue for me

[RosaLinda]

Oh WBW, so sorry about all of this. Please please do not let the language on that petition bother you. It is boiler plate language, it does not refer specifically to your actions or your personality. You know that you are a good woman, a decent loving hard working wife and mother.

As Ruby said, it is just a piece of paper. It is just something that your H feels he needs to be able to move forward thru his MLC journey at this time. It is hard, and it hurts horribly, but it does not necessarily mean that this is the end of your marriage.

Yell, scream, cry, throw things, kick things (soft things) if it helps you get the rage and hurt out. Then go back to being fabulous you, and DBing. Trust the process. Easier to say than do, I know, but I'm trying and I know you are too. Hang in there honey.

[Pudmuddle]

I'm so sorry for your pain wbw.

Remember attorneys/lawyers aren't in it for the sensitivity to the marriage generally. They are in it to resolve property/asset/money issues. They have to FIND a reason to dissolve the M and it comes in the wording you saw. You know it's not true.

It doesn't mean the end. There is always a speck of hope.

Regardless, you will make it. You will survive. We are here for you. We feel your pain.

[willbwell]

thank you all for your replies. I have to go get showered and go to the Attorney. Atleast I am off school today and the sun is shining. I've got plenty of errands and Hw to do to keep me busy. just business right. I remain sorry for h that he has come to this place and that he thinks D is the answer.

[willbwell]

petition, answer, temporary order, $400 later...
going to take a personal day off school today. need to get my monthly finances together. Just trying to take care of business.

I forwarded this info to h. he sends me a text saying my tone had changed and lets keep this amicable. Really??
I have been nothing but accommodating and amicable.

School , the house and kids, and now D. told h he has put an added burden on me just so he can 'move forward'
he doesn't care.
would like to tell him D is not a "moving forward" event. It is a step backwards. 100 steps backwards! family split, finances split, time with children split. How is any of that positive?
Shouldn't ' moving forward' encompass positive growth?

[AnotherStander]

Just venting a little here because when I read threads like yours where a woman is going through the same thing I am it makes me think... it just doesn't seem fair that LBS's and WAS's get paired up in marriage. There should be some kind of test we all take to show if we're going to be a LBS or WAS. Then pair all the LBS's together in loving marriages and pair all the WAS's together so that when they split they're both happy, LOL! Let all the damned WAS's marry and split and remarry and split and remarry while all of us LBS's live long, happy M's. Ugh! Anyway, I wish you the best, I know it's tough to go through and I know it's frustrating that your H doesn't see the reality of the damage he's doing to you, your kids and even to himself, but that's his world and there's no getting through to him. Maybe he'll figure it out some day and maybe he won't, all you can do is keep driving forward!

[BrightFuture]

Willbwell, again, you are trying to tell your H that you disagree with his decision. It is not going to change his mind right now. On the opposite, he is going to do everything to prove you wrong and proceed with the D. I know it might be extremely difficult, but your best bet is to act as if you are moving on with your life too. Let him handle all the formalities, but don’t resist and don’t tell him he is wrong. He will have to realize it for himself. There is still hope. (((((hugs)))))