You'll think of me....

[RosaLinda]

Good morning all! Thanks for your constant friendship and support. I have had sort of an epiphany about my H, and would be interested in hearing your opinions. I think it's due to really starting to detach, to step back and observe his words and actions without letting them affect me and rip my heart out.

Yesterday afternoon, I went up to tell H I was leaving to go to the eye surgeon. He was skyping and doing a search for apartments at the same time. The top of the page said Trulia $1200 - $1800. I figured that H was looking for apartments, and was sending the listings to RT on skype.

After the R talk last week, then going in to talk to his mom this weekend, and now looking at apartments together - I felt that he had really decided to move forward with the D, and just hadn't gotten the courage up to tell me yet.

I decided to look online when I got home to see where this town Trulia is that he and RT plan to move to, it sounded Spanish or Italian to me. H had told me he thought that RT would willing to immigrate to Spain with him. But when I got home, I talked to Alba Marie about it, and learned that Trulia is the apartment search website, not the town, and that it only lists apartments in the USA, not internationally.

Then it struck me - my H may be in a MLC, but he is playing a game of pretend, and knows it. He may delusional about many things regarding our marriage and his relationship with RT, but is aware of the cold hard facts. He knows RT cannot get an immigration visa to the US, not even if they got married. He knows he cannot afford to rent an apartment for $1200.

So my conclusion is that my H is playing a game of pretend. He knows damned well that he is not going to leave me, but for some nefarious reason is pretending that he plans to leave me and to marry RT. He does not want to lose me and his home and family, and he does not want to lose his OW. Cake eating. I was right when, during our R talk last week, I said that RT is the same as all of his other EAs, that she will give up and be gone in time. And he was telling me the truth when he said that he does not understand why all these Russian women take his flirting so seriously.

If this is true, then it helps me detach even more, and also helps me stand. Because my REAL H would not do something so mean to RT, and to me. (not that RT doesn't deserve everything she gets, but in my heart I feel sorry for her. She is just trying to escape her miserable life, and I pray she finds an unmarried man of her own.) So I figure if I can wait this out, H will eventually wake up and wise up. I decided to stick to my boundary though - H is out of our home if he goes on any more conjugal visits with RT, and also, after RT is history, there will be no more OW.

So, what do you all think? Is my reasoning faulty? Am I giving too much credit for thinking, underhanded or otherwise, to my MLCer?