Hi I am replying on this thread - first off I have come to think that their being able to talk about OW to us, while weird and inappropriate in someone 'normal' might actually be a good thing in a MLCer.
As for my xh - I think he is bored with second OW. They have been together over two years now My future daughter in law said she is simply no comparison with me in any way that she can see - and it is clear that my xh now craves, rather than would like to have, contact with his kids. And wants to meet my future dil's family.
So yes, he wants things to be different, but doesn't know now, and after all this time I am not about to help him. He has to figure it out for himself.
I believe in the earlier stages of MLC we can help by listening, although the line between enabling and help is a fine one. I do not think you are an enabler, and I rather think I used to be one. But I am learning to be there when people need it, but not to do for them what they need to do do for themselves. Always a judgement call.
Early on, many of us posting have had the idea that we can fix them, or even have some responsibility for the way they are. We do not. As job says, the seeds were sown many years ago in childhood, and we are seeing the harvest.
