I'm back -- lost of progress

[mishka422]

Thinking of you and your baby.

((((preggo))))

[Preggonomore]

Hi all, the ultrasound was ok and all the tests just show that baby is very big and I am retaining a lot of water in uterus.

H is still in the house, even though he keeps threatening to leave every time we have a fight. Apparently, while I was at the hospital (and he was nowhere to be found, probably talking with ow on his stupid iPad) and my neighbor was here watching S1, he showed up. He started engaging my neighbor in our R talks, grilling her on how much she knows. My neighbor (who is one of my best friends) was nice enough to not say anything. She asked him if he needed to talk and all he said (with victim tone of voice) was that he was leaving.

Because I'm having lots of contractions and am somewhat on bed rest, I need him here, but I really want him gone. My parents arrive this weekend, so I think he will leave then.

[mishka422]

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this, especially at such a critical time in your life. This should be a time of excitement and joy, not of sorrow and stress. Don't let his childish behavior ruin your joy.

Again, I'm so sorry and I will be praying for all of you.

[Preggonomore]

Thanks, Mishka

So I asked H this evening whether he will be moving out soon and had any luck looking for apartments.

He started crying and said, "how am I going to pay for all these bills? When will I see the boys?"

I said, "that's what divorce is, and this is what you want. You have to experience living in a small place and not your beautiful home, not having anyone to talk to at the end of the day and not seeing your children every day to know that this is what life will be after divorce"

I also said that he needs to do this before OW gets in town (she is still in Afghanistan) because its not fair that he is using me and our home just until she is here.

He cried, we talked, he cried some more. I kept dropping the subject and he kept wanting to talk about it. We talked about his issues and the conversation went all the way to his childhood. He cried some more when he said the things I've been saying to him affect him more than he can bear (I guess I can be pretty mean with words) and that they keep replaying in his head all day long. I asked why he keeps doing what he is doing, then, if he knows how much it hurts me, and he says he can't help it.

I don't know if he grasped the idea that we cannot live together while he is still carrying on this relationship outside our marriage. We will see tomorrow. But i did say he is free to go on with his life, pursue something else and look for happiness, but he cannot have all of it at once.

We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Also, one positive was that he says his monitor gave him some options of where he'd like to go next and he asked me where I'd like to live.

[Preggonomore]

but he cannot have all of it at once.

I meant to say he cannot have both lifestyles at once.

[Pudmuddle]

Hi preggo, I am so glad everything is ok with your pregnancy. Take care of yourself.

I can't see how he would want to be there with your parents being there. This may give you some relief when he is gone.

It still amazes me that they don't think of all the consequences of what happens if they move out. Just blows my mind. But maybe in your sitch, that's exactly what he needs to wake up. Or maybe he won't but at least he won't be around for you to see everyday. That can be exhausting in more ways than one.

I hope your day is better and you get some rest, and less stress.

[Preggonomore]

Venting:

So today I took S1 to the doc because he has a nervous tick and his pediatrician referred him to a neurologist. I came home so emotionally drained that I literally stared at wall until I fell asleep after S1 went to take a nap.

This morning I had written H an email telling him I still expect him to move out if he cannot be 100% in this. I'm sure this is not DBing but maybe I am not strong enough (or my love is not strong enough) to follow all the guidelines.

When he got back home he was chatty and had a guy over here making an estimate of the fences around the house (they are rotten and falling apart). I still don't think he wants to sell the house, btw, because he thinks I will keep living here even if we are separated with comments he makes.

Anyway, S1 broke a standing lamp but its cover was intact and it still looks nice. h asked, "do WE want to keep this?" I said yes, that I would like to keep it. Then he said, "what will WE do with it?" And I said I would find some use for it.

He hasn't mentioned my email.

I still don't trust his motives to stay with us, if they are economical or practical, or both. I still don't believe that he is staying because of me.

Our baby will be born in 7 days via csection, btw.

Something inside me has really died. I don't look at H the same, and I'm not so sure I could ever get over everything that is happening. A part of me really wants this to be over. Maybe I'm becoming a WAS.

[Pudmuddle]

Preggo, sorry to hear about your S. I hope it is nothing serious. Please keep us informed.

I asked my H to move out too. I think if you feel in your heart it was the right thing to do, then it is. You can still apply db to the situation.

I understand how you feel about something dying inside. It hurts to see someone you cherished being such a different person with no love or understanding.

With 7 days left, you really need to take care of yourself. Please be good to you. I wish you the best. We are here to support.

[labug]

You don't have to decide anything right now. Let him do what he does, you have a home and 2 little ones to focus on.

Hope S1's issue proves to be minor.

[Preggonomore]

Pud, where is your stitch?