So I asked H this evening whether he will be moving out soon and had any luck looking for apartments.
He started crying and said, "how am I going to pay for all these bills? When will I see the boys?"
I said, "that's what divorce is, and this is what you want. You have to experience living in a small place and not your beautiful home, not having anyone to talk to at the end of the day and not seeing your children every day to know that this is what life will be after divorce"
I also said that he needs to do this before OW gets in town (she is still in Afghanistan) because its not fair that he is using me and our home just until she is here.
He cried, we talked, he cried some more. I kept dropping the subject and he kept wanting to talk about it. We talked about his issues and the conversation went all the way to his childhood. He cried some more when he said the things I've been saying to him affect him more than he can bear (I guess I can be pretty mean with words) and that they keep replaying in his head all day long. I asked why he keeps doing what he is doing, then, if he knows how much it hurts me, and he says he can't help it.
I don't know if he grasped the idea that we cannot live together while he is still carrying on this relationship outside our marriage. We will see tomorrow. But i did say he is free to go on with his life, pursue something else and look for happiness, but he cannot have all of it at once.
We shall see what tomorrow brings.
Also, one positive was that he says his monitor gave him some options of where he'd like to go next and he asked me where I'd like to live.
