I won't give up II

[Notlikingthis]

Time to start a new thread. I noticed today that I've have been here exactly one year. First, I'm thankful that I found this board and second that I haven't lost my mind after a year. Thanks to the support and wise people here I'm happy to say that I am doing pretty well considering the circumstances.

I didn't sleep very well last night but wasn't thinking about anything in particular. I had a lot of excess energy or maybe it was the handful of M and M's that I ate a few hours before going to bed. IDK, but it was at least 2am before I drifted off.

A few hours after I woke up, I had a feeling of panic. It's the kind of feeling that you get when you know something is going to happen. I tried to brush it off but I couldn't stop it. I got in the car, turned up the radio and started driving thinking that I could distract myself. It took a long time before I felt calm again.

As I was driving in to my driveway my phone beeped with a text. It was h telling me that he'd left a check in his truck for me. I responded with a simple, Thanks, I appreciate it. A few minutes later he called. He wanted to let me know that he noticed that I was getting a little low on funds and thought I might need it and wanted me to have it. I thanked him again and told him that I appreciated that he noticed. (His primary LL is WOA.) I'm sure it pumped up his ego and made his day! LOL

He goes on to tell he made the ow take public transportation to the airport this morning. As much as I wanted to ask if it was a one way trip and if she took the a kayak with her, I didn't. LOL He talked for about 10 minutes until I told him that I had an appt. to go to. He apologized for keeping me. I ran some errands later in the day and came home to a message on my home phone telling me that he wanted to stop in to get his mail. I was hoping to have a quiet evening and didn't want it ruined by listening to stories about the ow. He come to the door, laptop in hand, telling me that he took some pictures of the museum that he walks by on his way to work. It had some beautiful displays showing through the windows. He wanted me to have them because he knew that I'd appreciate them. I asked him if he wanted something to drink, poured a glass of wine for him and went about my business getting my dinner ready.

He had his wedding ring on his right hand, talked about the kids then brought up the ow and the reason for her trip home. Appears that she is selling some of her furniture because her h still doesn't have a job and refuses to move so that they can rent their house out blah, blah, blah. No mention of her filing for D or separation although that was my thought when he told me that she was going to be there for just a few days. Anyway he came back to our finances and talked about what to do with some short term investments. He decided to just let them roll over for another year and possibly two. He started some of his sentences with, "at my age" and "with what's going on" but didn't bring up his home improvement idea again.

As he sat in the house he noticed that I had moved a chair (I had only moved it about 6 inches), said how quiet it was here, fixed a toilet that didn't need fixing and asked me if I would come and sit down for a few minutes. I brought a salad to the table and sat down but he really didn't say much after I did! When he left he made sure to tell me that he was going home to an evening with not much to do except maybe watch TV. I told him to enjoy his evening whatever he decided to do.

He's up to something. His behavior is a little off even for an mlcer. He's still lost, still doesn't know what he wants and doesn't want to deal with his issues. Time will tell.

Even though I've been here for just a year, my h has been in mlc for at least a year and a half probably more like 2 years. I'm here for the long haul and pray that he will find it within himself to work through his issues. My fear is that he'll take the easy way out and continue on his current path for a very long time.
_________________________
Me:57H:62
M:33T:34
2S,2D (grown nlah)
BD:09/2012 visits M ow
EA/PA?:10/2012
H moves out 06/2013

"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama