Me 1 year on

[hotwheelsaust]

What I am really struggling to come to terms with is: one of my bad traits before BD was putting me first when spending money. I have tried so much to 180 this over the last year.

Now when I get the reply from the W, agreeing to the splitting of assets, all I can feel is sadness because it looks like all I have done is thought about myself again. Even though, all I have really done is agreed to her terms.

I am coming out of this asset split smelling like roses and I don't like it. For 23 years of marriage, the W will be walking away with $23k and a jet ski worth $15k. The old car worth about $2k and her belongings she took.

Me, I purchase both properties from her (that the bank owns most of) value nearly $700k, I have the new car $30k, my motorbike $10k, all the furniture and household stuff we have amassed over the years.

So it worries me, even scares me at times. How and why could she walk away with wanting so little. The house is the one she chose and we bought.

I am simply finding this next chapter of my sitch so hard to deal with. I am trying to find the positives, my future with no worries about selling the house etc. But I keep asking questions that I won't get answers to: why, why, and why.

Sometimes simply having a PMA and GALing doesn't solve the problem. Why didn't she fight for more? She didn't even get the houses valued? How much of her thoughts are being controlled by others who really don't care what happens?

Please give some advise how I can continue on the right path with all of this. How can I turn my thoughts areound, that I am just simply agreeing to her terms of this splitting of assets. How can I stand up to my boys and feel I did all I could, when their Mum gets very little.

One positive is that by keeping the assets in my name, at least we/I still have the assets and we haven't lost them. So there will always be a door she can open down the track if she ever wants to.

I think I have to simple accept my M is over. I did what I could, with what knowledge I have. I might have done wrong during the last year, or I might have done right. who knows. Simply I tried the best I could. It just wasn't the way.