Unlearning conflict avoidance 7

[PatientMan]

Hi PM,

Thanks for your long post. I don't understand what you consider inauthentic game playing. If you could please be specific, that would be helpful.

It wouldn't be the first time I've been thanked on the length of my post , and my apologies on the delayed response as I've been away from the board.

It seems as though you are asking what to do and say, then simply following orders. It seems as though you want a certain result or reaction from your W when you act or say something. That is the in-authenticity I am speaking of.

You are here to make changes to YOU, right? Make the changes and you won't have to ask what orders to follow, because you won't be following anyone. You'll be leading your family forward, and your W can choose to join you if she wants.

I do not mean to insult you when I purport your actions as playing games. What I mean is, your game right now appears to be "Saving My Marriage". And that's understandable. What *I'm* saying, is that I don't think you can win that game...yet. That's like chess, but you've yet to master checkers. The game you need to conquer first - your checkers - is "Figuring Out Who I Want To Be". Figure out who YOU want to be, then courageously pursue becoming that person with unwavering faith in yourself.

And do it for you, not anybody else.

A man who has mastered THAT game, is a man to be respected. And a man who is respected, has a chance at saving his marriage.

Maybe someone has already said something like that, but I went to catch up on your situation and responded because you asked me directly.

All the best,

-PM