How do I DB when I was the emotional abuser?

[Ambivalent]

I love...

Pick a thread and stick to one. This way those of us can help.

Right now, you need to step back and allow her some space. ADD/HD is no excuse. I am familiar with it personally and for many years. Raised two daughters and dealt with diagnosis.

If you are on Adderall and it's working , keep up with it. Get some counseling and start working out to exhaust your body some.

After 10 years of the behavior you have described she is going to be a tough nut. So presently WORK ON YOURSELF.

Make sure there are arrangements for the kids visitation, stay away from temptation. NOT GOOD to be needing female validation. She is not rejecting your manhood, she is rejecting the behavior you have exhibited for quite some time.

Breathe, and read until you drop. Then read some more.

Make sure the diagnosis is correct and you don't have OCD. For ADD meds can make OCD worse. They have very similar behaviors, as well as Bi-polar and highly gifted individuals. Just because you were diagnosed many years ago, does not make it so.
Many diagnosis were incorrect during that period , slightly prior and after.

Good luck.