Oh boy, Ang, that was some conversation. You must have felt like you were in the twilight zone.
So, he gave you a lot of good info.
Heres the thing. He needs to know that you heard him. When you say things like a divorce wont make you happy, he things you didnt, ya know?
I think it's safe to say that the cuckoo is clearly flynig around the clock.
And you know all the hasnt loved you stuff, MLC script. We have all heard it in some form or another.
He is broken and confused and hurting. And he lashed out at the person closest to him. He just wants to hurting to go away. He will do anything for that to happen. He thinks getting rid of you is the answer. And it isnt until he looks inside that he will realize it is him.
But he has to do that on his own. No amount of you saying it is going to make it happen.
I agree with him, that the thing with the ow is different from what you can imagine. Because lets face it, he is in crisis and she is with a married man. Not exactly the stuff of movies.
I believe he does feel dead inside. I have heard it described like that before. And he told you he does things to get away from how he feels. But one of the most important things that he told you was that you cant fix him. Very telling words, there, A. Big thing you can change in your actions.
His feeling that you will never get over the affair, also very telling. You need to stop talking about her, Angela. It doesnt serve you or the situation well. It just serves to fuel his feelings of not feeling heard.
YOu might want to check out my old post thread that Rosa told you about. There are some things in there that can help with this.
I know how hard this all is. I know it is also hard not to think about the ow. But, worrying about it will have not affect on the outcome. And trust me, whatever you imagine in your mind is nothing at all like the way it actually is.
So, you asked is this all worth it? I can tell you if you do the work, either way your sitch turns out, it will have been worth it.
Can you forgive him? That is something you have to decide now. Whether there is the possibility of you being able to. Because if you cant, there is not point to all this.
I think that you are not ready to give up on your marriage. So, for right now, this is exactly what you should be doing.
Your plan moving forward should be that you detach, you stop talking about your marriage and the ow, you look inside and see what needs changing and you show your h who you are becoming.
It is normal to feel anxiety like you have been. And meds can help. But, you have the control here.
