Living on a roller coaster

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks Job and Whiterose

My husband comes from a deeply dysfunctional family. He has been working since he was very very young (my children's age) in the family business and has mentioned this enough times for me to know that he feels resentful for it. However he has rarely acknowledged this emotion. He was raised part time by his grandmother away from his mother and father because of the family business and she forced high quantities of food down him and his brother, leading to massive childhood obesity. He later became a sportsman to combat this.

His parents were functioning alcoholics, although his mother died in his late teens (not alcohol related) and has since been given sainthood. However the stories he tells paint a darker picture of her role within the family. His father was violent and verbally abusive to him and his mother (I'm not sure about his brother, this has never been mentioned).

He was raised openly talking about 'getting rid of' and 'hating' his father. His father slipped into a deep depression after his wife died and my H was left to look after the family business, which subsequently failed. From that point on his father never provided for the family again and expected to be looked after by his children. My H also expected to be looked after and but a huge burden on his older brother.

By the time we started a relationship, I had been friends with him for about 8 years. He drank alcohol but not excessively but was terrible with money. From the day we started our relationship I have provided for him financially, cooked, cleaned and looked after him. He was adopted by my family instantly as he wasn't in a great relationship with his family. Within the first year they had almost completely abandoned him. Sporadically they would wave an olive branch at him, but they hated that he didn't NEED them anymore. Finally 3 years ago their lying and verbal abuse drive my H to never speak to them again......until 1 week after he left!

It's only now I can see that he's never financially matured. Making him the breadwinner one year ago was far too much of a responsibility for him. When he left he said that he loved me but wasn't in love with me and that the affair was his way out. He said he'd been considering leaving for a year. This is also around the time I suffered a short bout of depression.

He's also never emotionally matured. He's always had someone to look after him.

I'm terrified that these issues will mean a very long MLC. Fingers crossed he's potentially been in MLC for 3 years. Hopefully one more year will kick him back out having worked through his issues.

***work on me.....let him work on himself.....what will be will be***