I think what everyone may be missing is that I have worked on this for months prior to BD. W would lay in bed most of the day watching TV, for probably 6-8 months leading up to the BD. I would take care of kids, clean, take them out for fun stuff. W would get up some days for an hour to make dinner, then she'd take her dinner back to bed and ignore all four kids. She was suffering from deep depression, and I knew that. I asked her to see a doctor for medication, or a counselor, and she refused. I offered to go with her, offered to set it up for her. I would bring her flowers, chocolates, take her on dates to nice restaurants (about the only time she'd get out of bed). She got mad, took the beautiful flowers I got her, and walked in and slung them at me and all over the room. I would bring her coffee in bed; told her if she'd get up for four hours just to start that I'd take her away for a weekend. She would obsessively watch the tv show Ugly Betty over and over again - it was running almost all the time.
She would yell at kids to get in bed, but never help them, tuck them in, etc. When I would ask her to please go see a doctor because I hated seeing her so sad, she would cuss me out.
The final 'blow' was her deciding to go to her mom's for 6 weeks while the step-kids were with their biological dad. So she went to Texas and basically sat at her mom's house or at the beach. I even encouraged it, told her to take the time to pray and think. I flew down to surprise her while she was down there, and took her on dates and to dinner (I didn't know the EA was going on at this time). Hindsight being 20/20 she was real weird, didn't want to have sex, slept in a different room - I should've known something was going on.
I'm not a saint - I've got plenty of my own issues. But after spending 6 months desperately trying to help her, four months ago I got an EA, a BD, and W blaming me for everything.
Maybe a bit of background helps explain my mindset? I'm not saying this excuses me being done, or my poor attempt at DBing, but I'm exhausted over all.
