WAS left, focusing on me, DB'ing like an amateur

[KdogGS]

Having a good morning so far. I missed AA yesterday because I went out for my meetup. I went to this mornings meeting and it's a Big Book study. The topic was ch.9 "The Family Afterwards." I'm really glad I went, it gave me a lot of insight into my current situation. It explained how once the alcoholic stops drinking the spouse/family wants things to return to normal very quickly. It's simply not that easy.

It appears the same thing happens with the LBS. Once they are left, and know everything they did wrong and admit their faults, they wants the WAS to immediately notice it and go back to normal. At least that's how I feel at this point. I know it took me about 7-8 months of sobriety before I even said the words- "I'm an alcoholic." So, I can see why it would take the WAS so long to look inward at what changes they need to make. I

I also felt trapped by my alcoholism, like I had no way out. The WAS feels this too, that they are disrespected and trapped. Divorce is the way out. I hope that through the process she will come to realize she is no longer trapped and I'm not holding her back. That she has autonomy and is control at this point.

This has made me realize just how controlling of a man I was. Not to the point of telling her who she could and couldn't see or anything. But definitely in terms of money, not going over things with her. And with her free time, she wanted to do a Bible study with her mother on our only day off together. Instead of encouraging her, I made it all about me and asked her what I was going to do while she was doing that. I was so self-centered. I had no life. GAL is so important for me at this point as I reflect back on things.

Anyway, I posted pictures from the meetup hike on FB and I'm trying to move on with my life. I know she's on her own journey and I pray with God's assistance our paths will cross once again.