Unlearning conflict avoidance 7

[LuckyLuke]

I just had a DB coaching session. Main thrust is to take the initiative, leading, showing a different me:

o move into the master bedroom, out of my son's room
o talk to her earlier rather than later, at my time, not hers
o say we should list house early, after Christmas, asking a high price
o talk to her before she talks to me, validating her loneliness and anger, and saying I have no defense for having treated her this poorly, and being so unfair, but that I won't lie anymore;
o that what I want is for her to heal because, having been together so long, of course I care about her; that her current relationship style won't cut it in her next relationship
o that I'll sign in March, as she wants, but on the condition that she no longer treats me so badly; my next marriage will be to a soft, giving woman (I am explicitly supposed to talk about my next marriage, which might be to her)
o say that I want to give us both a fighting chance for the future, especially given how bad I was at being married - she needs to grow up
o anything I can do to help you forgive me and heal, and get this out of the system, is useful and important
o if she asks about online dating, jokingly do not answer, perhaps by asking whether she thinks I should go Asian or African next time
o surprise her with this leadership and frontal addressing of the problem
o if she insults me again in the car, for example, tell her so and say she can either be civil walk home

Luke