I strongly believe that until she makes a choice to stop loving her (constant phone calls, text, facebook, etc) and direct her energy back towards me she will never begin to fall back in love.
This is probably true. But you can't make her drop her R with OP, she has to make that choice. And it may be a long, long time before she does. All you can do is work on yourself, do 180's on your faults and plan on keeping the changes going until they become permanent. Your W will never be attracted back to a sad, desperate, needy you, but she may eventually become attracted to the "old" you that she fell for initially. So try to get back in touch with "that" version of yourself. Think about what you were like, you were probably strong, independent, confident, sexy, etc. That's what you need to be again.
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When we had this discussion she clearly stated that she does not love me, does not know how to get the love back and is quite unsure if she wants to anyway....but then in the same sentence she will say maybe one day she will ask me back and at that time it will be up to me to accept her or decline.
It's not unusual for WAS's to say things like this. They want to try something new, but they like to think that the LBS will hang around as plan B if their new plans don't work out. She may even do things to try and keep you on the hook.
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Grandma said to me before she left "make her miss you"
Grandma knows her stuff. But don't involve them in your sitch, it will do more harm than good. The WAS will typically interpret it as the LBS "rallying the troops" against them, even if the LBS isn't doing that.
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I can guarantee you that this is one man who does "get it" and want my marriage to be better than it ever was....
It's a big commitment to stand by your M because it can take years for a WAS to emerge from the fog. Most people don't have the intestinal fortitude to stick it out. It takes a tremendous amount of patience. Good luck!
