DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[DTM]

I appreciate the replies. I will readily admit that I certainly fell into the trap of doing ALL the things my wife said she wanted..to the point of suffocating her (her words)..I definitely see how it pushed her further away and made the situation worse.
We do still live in the same house, roommates is the correct term it appears.
My biggest worry is that she dtill has a strong emotional connection & bond with her best friend (the other woman) who fortunately lives in another state now that we moved. I strongly believe that until she makes a choice to stop loving her (constant phone calls, text, facebook, etc) and direct her energy back towards me she will never begin to fall back in love.
When we had this discussion she clearly stated that she does not love me, does not know how to get the love back and is quite unsure if she wants to anyway....but then in the same sentence she will say maybe one day she will ask me back and at that time it will be up to me to accept her or decline. She has told me to move on - go date other women...do my thing. This worries me because it almost seems like a trap to me..to see if I will give up on her. Well, after much thought (I'll be honest here) I went out on a date yesterday (she was out of town with the kids) and it made me feel very indifferent...happy that someone wanted me and sad that it wasn't my wife who I want. I have finally come to terms with patience, time and space and plan to give her all of the above with hope that she will eventually find a reason to miss me and the good that I bring to her and our children's lives. I have quit saying "I love you" and basically stopped pushing any talks about the relationship. I still "DO" for her..like I always have, helping where I should. It's absolutely heart breaking to basically ignore the woman I love...and I think for men who finally "get it" (the wake up call) it's unfair for a woman to think that things will go back to the way they used to be instead of believing they just won the lottery. Going back for me is the last thing I would ever do...why would I want to be that person who caused so much pain in myself and the woman I promised to love? I don't know how to get her to believe that the past is the past...she is stuck on it and truly thinks that since I hurt her she will be hurt again. She is "protecting herself" and has convinced herself that she should not love me again. I will say one final word for now, her family (mom and grandmother) were visiting this past weekend and they both see my change and they both are against a divorce...but they both very much support their child (grandchild) in whatever decision she wants to make. Grandma said to me before she left "make her miss you"...that made me tear up. It [censored].
I'm open to any an all advice...I can guarantee you that this is one man who does "get it" and want my marriage to be better than it ever was....I just need her to believe it, see it and want it too.