My title reflects my current stage on my journey. A daunting discovery if ever there was one. To learn the only person stopping me is me. To learn I need to figure out what I want because it's all up to me.
Family update.
H is at the casino atm. I am growing ever so tired of this routine. When he told me yesterday, as I was leaving for work, "I probably won't be here when you get back" I was sorely tempted to respond with "Ok. And I probably won't be here when you get back." But I'm not ready to go, and I don't make idle threats.
When H isn't thinking blackjack is going to make him rich he's thinking he wants to open a pizza place.
OW is still in the picture, as far as I know. Another epiphany I recently had is that I don't actually want H to drop OW. At least not just because I say so. No, I want him to THROW her away. If he were to stop only because I want him to then there would be pining. If he can't come to the realization that his marriage is more important than OW, then I see no point in a marriage. Amazing what new perspectives detachment can bring.
S20 currently thinks he's dying of lung cancer. He doesn't even smoke. We don't smoke. Its just the current manifestation of his anxiety.
D19 is in love with a 32 year old felon - who is currently in jail for DUI. She is living at home again, and has finally found a waitressing job but has not yet received a paycheck.
Ss17 are in the final days of football/soccer. I must admit I have shed a small tear over the end of this era. But it is good. They are getting closer to beginning their own journeys. They are doing well in school and have plans to go to college. (Amazing differences in my kids, they run the spectrum.)
MWD had a FB post asking if her followers would marry the spouse, if they had it all to over again.
My answer was "No." I was wondering what my DB friends would answer?
Have to run. I hope you are all doing well.
Peace
~ ~
Jaye
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
