Taking A Stand; What's my Position?

[Mimi00]

Just a reality/progress check/journaling for myself. I started this thread 2 months ago with these goals:

- Exude confidence & really have it on the inside as well - Progress: I am good with this as far as others, I am back to being my confident self instead of feeling so sad and broken from the BD...but with H, when he calls I remain neutral, but probably more on the reserved side b/c I am nervous; i actually dont want to answer when he calls....usually the topics are about him and his progress w/ starting his new life....then when it turns to me and what I am doing... I freeze up, mainly bc most of my time is spent working so i dont have to struggle so much financially but i dont want to say that/dont want him to know that this is hard for me. Also, I feel like I'm being judged by him on if I am still the same old me. So I need to work on this...stop worrying and bring up other subjects where I can show confidence in my knowledge and opinions, move away from the same old "catching up" type of discussions when he calls. I want to try to get our conversations back to feeling normal (atleast for me.....I feel so awkard not being able to say how I really feel etc... this is very unnatural for me to not be open and honest, to not feel free with him)

- Try new things & meet more new people - Progress: I have went to a few Meetup groups. No friendships formed from them yet...but this is a total 180 for me to be comfortable to interact with strangers. I usually need to warm up people for a while....I will continue to push my self in this area. I am set to attend 2 Meetups in November and if I can maintain courage I hope to skydive next week.


- Find a church home I enjoy and re-build my spiritual relationship w/ God- Progress: A few days ago I found a church much closer to where I live (I've been working most sundays and watching online or driving 45 minutes to the one I do enjoy when i am off).I plan to attend this new one next Sunday, if all goes well I want to get involved in various activities. It says on the "about me" on their website that the Pastor's wife is very interested in the restoration of Marriages. I thought that was interesting. Other than that I've been consistent in my Bible reading and listening to uplifting music; which has really helped to change me mentally towards more positive thoughts and being able to stop my negative thoughts when they pop up and shift my thoughts to something else instead of dwelling on the negatives.


- Narrow down what a want to do career wise and stick with it! -Progress: I am starting the book "Purpose Driven Life", its a 40 day "transformation" book to help one find their purpose. Also, I started the base to create a Vision board and will work on it for the next 40 days, while reading.
I have various ideas of what I want to do careerwise, but I want to have a more concrete foundation for my ideas.