wife hardens heart-5

[planet]

past threads...
wife hardends heart-4
wife hardends heart-3
wife hardends heart-2
wife hardends heart

[planet]

D3 got sick the other day and W took her to the clinic. I found out after work during my daily visits. Later that night, D3 got really sick and was again taken to see a doctor. Apparently it did not dawned on W to inform me the incident. I found out through MIL after i called to check up on D3 the next morning.

Seriously, Why would W even to do that? Is it not serious enough to keep me in the loop? two times in a space of a couple of hours must be bad enough to warrant at least a text.

Have anyone felt like hating their WAS so much but you just can't because you just don't have it in you. You just end up feeling sorry for yourself. Really [censored]. That's how i would describe my emotional state right now.

sigh, why do my life have to like another episode of a mexican telenovela? W just keeps pushing my buttons.

I vented this to my family. They just asked me to be patient and even prayed for me. That's all. This is from the same family that W believes hate her! I truly want to understand W's POV but i just could not see an ounce of malice.

W and I have talked about informing each other over anything related to our kids. I guess i need to talk to her again. Make her understand. How to go about this when i can't even compel her to do so?

[planet]

argh!!
W is acting like a total b***h.

I came over and saw D3 and D4 was watching TV. They should be taking their afternoon nap. I told them to sleep which D3 obliged while D4 ran upstairs to her mother crying. I kept on asking D4 with a firm voice to come back and sleep.

W just doesn't care if they lacked discipline. W doesn't want to cooperate at all and instead denied that they lacked discipline and i was only 'showing' my authority. D4 was acting out and even W can't control her. Still she thinks it's alright. W even pull out the 'caning' card but did absolutely nothing.

I sat down to talk to her about the D3 incident to which she accused me of being 'selfish' and said that i expect reports.
Selfish of what? How is that thinking only of 'myself'? Letting me know of their welfare is seen as reporting?
I'm concerned only for their well-being and nothing else.

She said i don't care about the kids. She said i don't even want pay extra for our kids extra classes which i really cannot afford at the moment. She still expects me to jump in and pay for everything. How this related to the above baffles me.

She's pushing my buttons again. Expects me to fight her. Can't even have a calm and proper discussion even it is something about the kids. I'm exasperated. I did not raise my tone and was consistent throughout.

How to deal with this?
I'm out of ideas. Please help.

[planet]

I lost it and raised my voice. She's just so difficult to deal with. I guess no point saying anything when she's angry. She's so angry all the time this past couple weeks.
Even a discussion about the kids, she gets upset. I think merely seeing my face gets her all upset.
She accused me of blaming her for their lack of discipline. She just relates that to this.
She also said that we are where we are now, it's all my and my family's fault. She said she has been mistreated for many years.

She's spewing again. One can't validate an angry woman, can we?

Finally, left with OM. Thank GOD for him.

[planet]

I feel D4 has been disrespectful to me lately. I told her that I will not take her out to the park if she continues to misbehave. I left her at home with the domestic help and took D3 to the park for 30 minutes. I came back and saw D4 watching cartoons and I gave myself a slap in the forehead. The domestic help had turned on the tv for D4. I did not plan this one right.

D4 was visibly unhappy and I spoke to her on her punishment. I really hope that she understands.

I don't know why she's misbehaving lately. The only person that could at least give me an honest opinion is the domestic help. I spoke to her and she says that D4 will immediately shed tears if things don't go her way. That is the behavioral pattern that I also observed.

I took the girls out for dinner later and had great fun. D4 was really tired when we reached home because she did not nap earlier. It's funny that W accuses me of being selfish because apparently I wanted her to nap so that I don't have to bring them back early.
MIL and W has been letting D4 get away when she refuses to nap. Previously W always insist that the kids have their naps. Sigh, nothing I can do there.

Another thing, when I returned the kids I saw W's car was missing and OM's car was there. W came out looking very anxious. Ah, so now OM is allowed to drive her car and I would think that he had offered to fill up the petrol. W did not even look into my eyes and was very subdued in receiving the kids. Usually she would have not come out to receive them. Well, got to revised their relationship status to a notch up now. They try so hard to hide stuff but it just blows up in their face. The domestic help probably knows a lot more of what's going on.

Sadly this does effect me in a way but I'm not too upset. Detachment still in progress.

[planet]

Reading past posts, I realized i focused too much on the negativity of my situation.

Here's what i did for myself over the weekend.

On friday, I joined a church cell group and made friends.

On saturday, I participated a seminar on parenting. Well, its centered on both parents but i think i can make this work with my kids. Spoke to the speaker about being a single parent and he promised to look for materials that could help me. No support group for divorced people or single fathers available here!
Had a family gathering over dinner later in the evening. Met some distant relatives whom i don't even remember and found myself sitting on the same table with them. Being an introvert, I gulped and just shook everybody's hand and of course that made myself quite comfortable because they actually warmed up to me. I had quite a conversation out there.

On sunday, joined a church service and had lunch with some members. I spend the rest of the evening with my kids and had a little bit of drama dealing with D4.

Some weekend, eh?

[JayMan]

You know you're making good progress when you can say:

Finally, left with OM. Thank GOD for him.

[Pudmuddle]

Reading past posts, I realized i focused too much on the negativity of my situation.

Here's what i did for myself over the weekend.

On friday, I joined a church cell group and made friends.

On saturday, I participated a seminar on parenting. Well, its centered on both parents but i think i can make this work with my kids. Spoke to the speaker about being a single parent and he promised to look for materials that could help me. No support group for divorced people or single fathers available here!
Had a family gathering over dinner later in the evening. Met some distant relatives whom i don't even remember and found myself sitting on the same table with them. Being an introvert, I gulped and just shook everybody's hand and of course that made myself quite comfortable because they actually warmed up to me. I had quite a conversation out there.

On sunday, joined a church service and had lunch with some members. I spend the rest of the evening with my kids and had a little bit of drama dealing with D4.

Some weekend, eh?

Planet! I am proud that you recognized focusing on the negativity. That can be a hard thing to break. Good for you, now you can change it!

It is hard being an introvert and throwing yourself into new situations. Once you get over the nerves, you find you actually had a great time! You are doing really well, keep up the positivity!

[planet]

Something interesting happened today.
I happened to chance upon a book sharing meetup. This session was about playing a self discovery board game. It's suppose to be an intuitive game.
It started off with the host giving a series of questions for the participants to answer on a piece of paper based on a person whom we have a relationship with. Mine was W. There's one guy whom just about to start a relationship and the other was about the human race in general.
As the game goes on, I don't really see the point of it. I keep on getting spiritual cards that speaks off my faith in general. I told the host so and she smiled and asked to complete the game. I said alright and just be patient.
It turned around when I got the 'are your feelings hurt' bonus card. Then I got two 'new life' cards. One said that I have a new exciting adventure waiting for me and the other was to prioritize myself. The game itself helps the individual to come to terms with themselves and kind of speaks to you on your problems.
It's very strange because the one guy whom about to start a relationship was unsure his object of interest reciprocates. His card was mainly about self confidence and to believe in himself as lovable. The other guy, a foreigner, was on a discovery trip while working on a documentary. His cards was about his self discovery and doing just that.
We each declared something only to ourself and each of us got answers that speaks only to ourself. What are the chances that I got the cards I got and the rest theirs? The host said nothing happens in randomness and that a divine energy is trying to teach us something about life.
The thing I'm going through is a life lesson which unfortunately have got a very big price to pay. Something to look forward to I suppose, on a new exciting life. I have never really put myself first. I haven't got anything new for myself for years and I just keep pushing it back because family comes first.
Again, what are the chances? Very strange indeed. The host said anyone whom have played the game do have something to learn about themselves. Couldn't help but to agree.

[planet]

Had a session with my therapist. He suggested that I tell W my feelings and desire to work on the marriage. His reason was that I have got nothing to lose and hope for a miracle. W does not know my feelings and he doesnt want me to regret later when I kept quiet and things got too far. He said W may be waiting for me to say something.

I said I will think about it. Don't think it's a good idea though. I feel W is not ready to work on us and have not shown any interest at all.

I went to visit my kids only to find OM there. Since its her house and her guest then im taking the kids out. D4 did not want to follow me. W and OM tried to convince D4 but she insisted being at home with her mother. I left her and took D3 out.
I will have to talk to W about my time with the kids. Expecting a big drama from W later. Sigh.