gathered some old posts.....hope they help

[chasingpavements]

uR.. thanks you so much for posting. You have truly helped so many people in their journeys. You are such an inspiration to all of us. How to stay strong, stay focused, enjoy life. You are a warrior! Reading your posts have helped me stay strong and given me a lot of inspiration.

thanks,
-cp

<3

[uRworthy]

Oh T, you brought tears to my eyes. You are so kind. Thank you for your words.

Though it has been several years, I remember how I felt. And I remember the special people on here who were there for me, who pulled me through. I never forgot them.

I hope I help, as I was helped. I care a great deal about all of you.

CP, thank you so much for your kind words. I am so glad if I am able to help you through this difficult time.

It all matters, helping each other, rooting each other on, praying for each other.

Thank you all for letting me be a part of your lives. I am honored.

[Whiterose]

Thank you for sharing such a powerful message uR!! So needed this:)

[RosaLinda]

Thank you for compiling these posts, uR. You have taught me the meaning of letting go and what it means to detach, and have been helping me to be able to live it. I remember you telling us that you are grateful for your H's MLC, and knowing all the crap he put you thru, thought uR, you are out of your friggin' mind! 

But I've started to feel that way too. MLC has given me the opportunity to see that there were many things about me that were bad, and which I have been able to change. Many mistakes I have made in my marriage which I will not make again. 

I woke up afraid, very afraid, uR. You know that a few days ago my H told me that a big reason he does not leave me for his OW is because he fears his mom would never accept OW and he does not want to lose his mom. Yesterday H spent the whole day with his mom. I know one reason was to feel her out on this subject. 

My MIL knows H is in a MLC, and has been mostly supportive of my efforts to stand. Sometimes she forgets and tells me to kick him out But....she's his mom. What mom would not accept her son's new wife, even if she did not like her? 

I do not know what MIL said to him, but know that either OW's cause or mine received a big boost from her opinion. He returned cheerful, and acted perfectly normal, and this filled me with dread.  

So this morning I have been praying and suddenly remembered what you taught me about detaching. That we need to move forward, and not let our spouse's words and actions affect our feelings. 

And then I found this thread, and read all the things you wrote. About forgiving. About acceptance. How telling H that his crazy beliefs are not real or valid invalidates him.  About boundaries. About honoring ourselves and believing in ourselves and moving forward.

I cried while reading reading all that, but feel peaceful and calm, and accepting. Strong. 

"If you can accept that this is how things are right now, with the understanding that they will not always be this way, you are on your way."

i'm on my way. So see, you were an answer to my prayer uR. God bless you. 

[chasingpavements]

I wonder if this thread can be made into a sticky note? Do they still do that? It is a great reference.

[uRworthy]

Rosa, I am not grateful for his MLC as that caused a great deal of pain. I am grateful for my journey, though. I am grateful that I was able to look inside and deal with all my stuff. I am grateful that I have become who I know I was meant to be. Do I wish I could have done all that without going through all of this? Absolutely. But that is not how He wanted it to happen.

I do like to see that you wrote that there were things about you that were bad. You do not have a bad bone in your body.  And you did the best you could with the knowledge and tools you had. You are so hard on yourself, my Rosa. You love him deeply, you had his back, you took care of him.

I am so glad that you feel better, my friend. You will get through this. Trust in Him and yourself. You can never go wrong if you do.

You are on your way, RL. I am here rooting you on!

[lostinpgh]

uR, Thank you so much for this post. I need to read and re-read these.
I have learned so much from you.

[uRworthy]

EDIT -Rosa, meant I do not like to see you write that there were things about you that were bad.

[uRworthy]

Lost, thank you for your kind words and glad if I helped in some way.

[uRworthy]

Hey CP, dont know if they still sticky note. Thanks for the thought.