Thank you all for your thoughtful responses, they are giving me a lot to think about. About creating back stories and control. I am starting to see how I am blocking myself from being truly free. I am still putting him in my head. Still trying explain why things are the was they are and why he makes decisions. And I am blaming OW. I am trying to find a way out of this mess and to do that I need to let him be. And continue living my life with my kids.

Another layer being peeled away... What would I do without you all? Xxx