"homework" from job - Hi Job, thank you

[Pudmuddle]

I actually just db'ed on my mom! LOL

We were texting about my sitch and my brother's sitch and she started going on in her judgemental ways, and I mentioned even though family meant well sometimes they could be one sided and judgmental. She sometimes thinks that just because she experienced something one way that everyone else must feel that way. I said 'just the things you say sometimes'. not very db there, but then she said 'et tu brute' meaning she was turning it around on me now and that I did the same thing. So I merely responded "I can understand how you feel that way". <--db, huh, huh? She waited for a bit and then responded with a nice message and to have a great day!

I guess I get my practice in where I can!

[Pudmuddle]

I have to tell you what happened tonight. I think Heather was right when she said the DB boards were going crazy today and it must be a full moon! (which it is!)

Tonight, I came home from work and H was there playing with the dogs getting them all silly. S16 was not home yet because he had a tech theater class. So I thought Oh this is going to be awkward just me and H at home. So I immediately put on PMA face and was laughing at my dogs and hugging them. My H didn't say hi or how was your day or anything. He seemed kind of quiet. So I just let him be. He retreated downstairs to look at some mail or bills or something.

So I decided I would cook dinner, not for H but just because I felt like it! I had been hearing about chicken enchiladas the past few days so that was something I had been craving. We didn't have much in our pantry so I just decided to try an throw something together enchilada style.

So as I'm working on that H is going up and down stairs doing stuff. Not sure what. He then came into kitchen and just kind of looked at what I was doing and didn't say much. He then poured himself a glass of bottled water. I said 'you feeling ok? you're drinking water!' and chuckled. H is a HUGE Mtn Dew fan and always drinks it day or night. He didn't respond. Seemed kind of down.

So I started to watch a tv show I had taped while making the dinner. He came back up and we talked lightly about what was on. I then went into the kitchen and needed some jack pepper cheese. The only thing we had were his squares of jp cheese. So I walked out to the tv room and said 'H do you mind if I use your jp cheese for this thing I'm making?' He said, Wha? kind of out of it. so I repeated the question. He then said 'It's not MY cheese, it's OURS'.

I turned around and walked back into the kitchen with a half confused smirk on my face. Did he just make a point to say OURS? With an emphasis on OURS???

Whoa. Me thinks he might've had disagreement with AW. Yahoo. He has NOT been on his phone the past week very much at all.

Huh.

Then after I made dinner and we ate, we were watching a few other of our fave travel shows and he seemed to be way more talkative and responsive to anything I said. Maybe it was the wine, lol.

I left after a bit to give it all space.

Pick my jaw up off the floor, people.

Anyhoo, watch and wait. And be qwiet, be vewy, vewy quiet.

[BrightFuture]

Yes, this is interesting. You might be right and there something going (or not going) on with AW. You did good. Keep watching…

[Feenix]

I agree with BF, that is indeed, interesting behavior.

And, you did very well on keeping it light and friendly...no pressure. My sitch may be total crud right now, but it's really good to see that yours is having some good developments.

[Pudmuddle]

Yeah, BF, I didn't really know why he was down, just wishful thinking that it was AW chapping his hide.

Thanks Angela, I just feel so good now that I have released myself from his emotions. It is truly freeing! I know you can do this too, it just takes time to heal.

This morning I came downstairs, got some coffee and breakfast and was sitting in living room watch tv. H came upstairs and noticed both of the dogs were sitting on my lap. He then walked over and showed me how one of the dogs had shed all over his sweatshirt. Kind of trying to make light chatter. H also said " I wish I had the hair dog sheds all over me" He is slightly balding. I chuckled. He left the room.

Then later he came up and explained in detail what he was going to be doing this morning. Going to the motorcyle store to pick up some parts, then out to friend's house where he stores his rusted out '55 chevy, explaining the tarp had come off so he needed to retarp it. He also mentioned he'd asked S if he wanted to go and S said Yeah that's ok. It was almost like he was asking or seeking my approval the way he said it. I said "ok, sounds good".

Interesting.

I then left the room and went upstairs to my bedroom to read for a bit while S and H were taking showers. I didn't expect H to come up and say goodbye...but he did. He asked if I was going to take dog out for our daily jog. I said 'Yeah, it's a nice day out, so yeah'. I had mentioned earlier downstairs how stinky dog was. So H said 'I'll wash the dog later so I'll wait til you have done that'. I said 'ok, great!'

So he actually paid attention (and remembered!!!) something I had said earlier and took some action on it. Huh.

Count the small positives, I guess.

Hey Underdog, if you're reading this, I got the book from Ford that you recommended and am starting to read it today! Found it on my Kindle for only 8 bucks. Also, isn't it nice and beautiful outside today? Since we had snow and cold yesterday? gotta love this state

[Underdog]

Pud, good updates and good for you keeping up with the PMA. hope your H follows through on his promise to wash the dog. That's always a good thing.

Hope your run was awesome. It surely is a beautiful day. D16 had her hippo therapy session at Friends of Horses, and it was a picture perfect hour. The wind was a little chilly, but I won't complain.

I'm so glad it's on the Kindle! (I'm horribly addicted to mine, as well as this doggone iPad.). Are you inspired to get started? I'm pulling my book out tonight as well. I want to ensure I get busy too.

Ok, off to church and the grocery store.

Have a good rest of your weekend!

Betsey

[Pudmuddle]

Yesterday went ok. H and S were out most of the afternoon, so I had time to read and do whatever. After they came home, we watched tv and puttered around house.

My H did follow through on washing the dogs, surprised me. He hasn't really cared about the dogs much since this started. Then he also later on, asked about our S again and his therapy appointments, when they were, does he need to take him, etc. Good stuff that showed the caring person I knew was peeking out. I told him no I could do it. He also mentioned at one point that S had told him he was being too critical. (!) That seemed to hit him a bit. I didn't respond to it. Just let him think on it.

Then this morning I came down to get my coffee. I was just sitting in the living room looking out the window. Staring, daydreaming. He came upstairs and sat down and talked to me about the house we are trying to sell and how it looked and stuff about the other houses in the neighborhood. Then ha asked if I was doing anything today. I said nothing major just going grocery shopping (damn I should've had something to do). Then he mentioned he was going out for the "football game" this afternoon/evening. I said ok. Butinside I was crushed, wished we could do stuff together. He hasn't done this for several weeks nor gone out at night at all.

I continued just staring out the window. He left the room.

While I was still staring out the window, he came back in and leaned over and gave me a hug. He said "I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you, I was not a very good husband".

I just half-hugged him back and didn't say anything. I kind of expected a but..or and and... to follow, saying he was in or out.

I only wept a few tears and that was it. Now I'm confused again. PMA went downhill. Is he slowly working on something in his head? I keep thinking, even if I do decide to take him back, can I? The trust is completely shattered this time. I think he keeps trying to be friends so we can part amicably. Which I don't want that either. I'm not sure I could be friends with him if he decides to break the M vow and not be my H anymore. I would be civil with the kid around but not friends.

I'm confused at what's going on in his head. I didn't continue the R talk when he started, but I want to know so much MORE.

Confused big time.

[job]

Pudmuddle,
He honestly can't tell you what is going on in his head and believe me, you wouldn't want to be inside of it right now. Your h is behaving like one of the more "softer, kinder" mlcers. Yes, he wants to be friends because if he maintain one toe in your pond and one in the mlc pond, he can tell people how well you two are doing, as well as freeing him of some of his guilt for his behavior.

Gee, he sounded liked a kid making that apology. Some of them do this, please don't allow that apology to throw you. Unless I am missing something, it was given as an after thought and may not have sounded as sincere as it should have been.

I'm glad to see he followed thru on giving the dogs a bath and even inquiring about S's therapy. He must have been having some moments of clarity.

Your situation reminds me a lot like HRM's was. If you can have patience and sit quietly, I think your h will begin revealing more as to what he's thinking.

I am very sorry his apology threw you, but do not allow it to confuse you because he is the one that is confused and is still bouncing around the pinball machine w/his emotions.

You handled the conversation very well. The less you say, the more you'll hear from him.

Please try to have a good day. Hang in there!

[Pudmuddle]

Thank you job. It was nice to see this from someone else's perspective. I think you're exactly right on why it confused me so much, because it did seem like an awkward afterthought and maybe not real. I will look into reading HRMs posts. But for now I am going to go for a jog while it is still nice out, before it gets too cold. Good chemicals for PMA!

I WILL have a good day. I WILL be strong. I WILL be well.

[Feenix]

Pudmuddle:

Sorry for the downer on your PMA this morning.

Hope your jog helps. I'm going to visit my parents today, but I think I'll wear my workout clothes and go for a jog, too, while I'm there. You motivated me!!!

My H was very, very confused today, too. From what he's finally starting to say to me, our MLCers, they really, really don't know what they want or what they're thinking. Their thoughts and emotions are all over the place.

Remember what you've told me....you gotta let him be. Don't try to second guess why he's being nice. Don't try to figure him out right now because your H doesn't even know what he is thinking. There's no way you can figure it out.

You have been such a strength to me, especially this past week. You are so good at keeping a PMA and GALing. Keep doing those things. I think your H is having some clarity here and there...and he will see the "new and improved" you.

I have struggled with my H being nice to me, too. I, also, feel like he's trying to make himself feel better about what he's done...and he keeps thinking we can be friends, too, after divorcing. I'm pretty sure I don't want to be his "bestie" if he divorces me.

And, the trust thing...I can't help you with that...you know my sitch...but, I'll bet others on here can help you with that...and I'll use the advice they give you for my sitch, too. Hahaha. Any good advice you get, you gotta share.

But, I'll tell you what I keep telling myself...don't jump ahead. You're not there yet. Your H may finally come out of the fog, and you may never need to worry about being friends after a D because you'll still be happily married.

Don't worry about things that haven't happened yet, and don't worry about things that you cannot control. Let it go. (I'm telling myself this about every five minutes! Lol!)

And good for you for just staying quiet and being still. You are a strong, amazing woman who has been though a lot. You will be OK! You are special, and kind, and worthy.

Find your PMA again, and rock this Sunday!!!

Sending HUGS!